


This ain't no fairytale

by KonKon38



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: De-Serumed Steve Rogers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Skinny!Steve, True Love's Kiss, a witch turned steve into skinny steve, aou didnt happen lol, bucky is over protective of steve, now what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-04-01 13:12:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4021111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KonKon38/pseuds/KonKon38
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I thought you were bigger."</p><p> </p><p>"I thought you were deader."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This is great and everything is fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Steve may as well be allergic to life.

Magic is a mysterious force, and the avengers absolutely hated it. If only magic would stop fucking up their lives.

"Should we put him in a bubble?" Tony asked, staring down at the unconscious and very small Steve Rogers in the hospital bed.

"... I don't think so." Bruce responded, staring intently at Steve.

"Okay but look at this, he has a family history of basically everything! Plus we have no records of what he is allergic to. His body isn't immune to the viruses of today. We need to put him in a bubble." Tony reasoned pointing at what they had of pre-serum Steve's medical records.

"We aren't putting him in a bubble, Tony." Natasha frowned.

"This won't make him any different... just smaller." Bruce rubbed his hands together nervously

"We have no idea what this has done to him besides making him smaller, what if it erased all his memories of being Captain America?" Tony would make jokes but he was actually very concerned. Steve was supposed to be the strongest, untouchable, a brave hero. His new (or old) body wasn't built to fit a captain. Personality doesn't save you from illness.

"Re-create the serum." Natasha suggested.

"Oh yes, because last time someone tried that, it went great." Tony remarked.

"Sorry Bruce."

"No offense taken, Tony is right. We don't know how to recreate the serum. Even if we did we have no idea what it would do to him."

"The witch said, it could be reversed with true love's kiss" Natasha didn't really believe this but it is what the witch who turned Steve into pre-serum Steve had said.

"Yeah right like that's even a real thing." Tony didn't believe for one second that they should trust anything the witch had said.

"But we can't just sit here and do nothing." Bruce was getting restless.

"You two go do whatever science it is you do and try to fix this, I'll stay with him." Natasha said flatly. Tony and Bruce complied.

Natasha was scared for the first time in a long time. Even with advanced medicine, Steve's health was poor. There's no telling what toll this will have on him mentally. What if they can't change him back? What would they do? A team without it's leader is no team at all.

After about an hour of watching Steve lay there Natasha got up to go to the bathroom. She was only gone a few seconds when she heard a faint sound. Grabbing her gun she turned the corner to find none other than the Winter Soldier.

"He's allergic to tree nuts, peanuts, soy, bee stings, tomatoes, cherries and strawberries. He also has celiac disease so no gluten. He's also lactose intolerant. He has really bad asthma, it gets worse in the spring. He also reacts poorly to caffeine, it upsets his stomach and makes him jittery. I'm telling you this because I promise he will not tell you, he thinks he can take care of himself." Bucky didn't look at her for a minute but eventually met her gun with his gaze.

"You good?" She asked.

"As good as I can be." Bucky shrugged. He looked exhausted and tense, but that made sense.

"Alright." Natasha nodded and put her gun away.

"I'll be back." Natasha then left the room.

* * *

  
"You left him alone, with Steve?!" Tony exclaimed.

"I know a bad agent when I see one, he wasn't one."

"You left a murderer alone with Steve because of your instincts?" Tony thought he was the crazy one.

"I trust Natasha." Clint chimed in.

"So do I." added Bruce.

"If he wanted to kill Steve, he's had a year. He would've done it by now." Natasha reasoned

"You're all insane. if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make sure Steve hasn't been MURDERED."

"Technically JARVIS would tell us if he's in danger." Clint added as Tony walked out of the room.

* * *

 

Tony was now having a staring contest with the world's most deadly assassin outside of Steve's medical room.

"Can I, uh, check on him?" Tony crossed his arms.

"Wash your hands." Bucky rebutted.

"What?"

"Here take this." Bucky handed him a medical mask.

"Why do I have to take orders from you?"

"Do want Steve to get sick?" Bucky leaned forward. Tony glared at him and went to go wash his hands. This was possibly the most terrifying conversation he's ever had.

In a few minutes Tony returned.

"Do I really have to put this on?" Tony asked referencing the mask. Bucky didn't reply he just narrowed his eyes.

"Alright then... I'm Tony, by the way." Tony put on the stupid medical mask.

"I know. Call me James." Bucky moved out of the way of the door to let Tony in. Once Tony was satisfied that Steve was in fact not murdered, he left, disposing of the mask.

"You're not gonna kill him right? I'm just making sure."

"No." Bucky's gaze was making him uncomfortable so he left.

* * *

"I think he likes me." Tony joked, Clint scoffed.

"No one likes you, Tony. You're an ass."

"I am deeply offended." Tony gasped dramatically.

"No but seriously, I don't think Frosty is gonna move anytime soon. That might be a problem."

"JARVIS can tell us if something goes wrong." Clint once again repeated

"It might be helpful to have him around, he lived with Steve, and from what Steve has said took care of him when he was sick." Natasha added.

"Okay but if we all get killed in our sleep, I'm blaming Natasha for letting him stay." Tony began to leave the room motioning for Bruce to follow. When they left there was a brief pause between Natasha and Clint. Then Clint's eyes widened.

"Has anyone told Sam?"


	2. no seriously everything is fine i swear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is gonna be about how Steve got un-serum'd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i came up with story while listening to the album "Artpop" by lady gaga. Inspiration comes from strange places.

So there was a witch turning people into frogs no big deal. Tony was in the air keep track of the witch, who literally looked like the wicked witch of the west. Steve knew that, he got that reference. He did, however, not know how to stop her from turning people into frogs. Natasha and Clint were on frog-civilian duty by gathering all the stray frogs into boxes.

"I'm serious, Cap, we should just dump water on her." Tony reasoned.

"No, that won't work." Steve frowned.

"How do you know that?" Tony asked. Steve didn't reply.

"Ohh, look, the avengers. I feel so honoured." The witch cackled.

"I'm going to give you one chance to change these people back before I use force."

"Dearie, you think you can stand up to magic? These people needed this." She smiled and disappeared. The re-appeared only inched away from Steve. Suddenly he was frozen into place.

"Now you... You need something too. Something more, I can feel it. I'll change them back, for a cost of course." She cupped his face with her hand. "Step away from him." Natasha locked her gun onto the witch.

"My payment shall be your journey. You'll thank me later, my dear." In a split second Steve was knocked back into the air in a ball of bright green light and all the frogs returned to their human form.

"The only thing that will reverse this spell is true love's kiss. Have fun." and the witch disappeared.

"If you all will just follow me to medical, I promise Tony Stark will pay for all the therapy bills you'll need after this." Clint ushered the people away.

"You guys find Cap." He said as he walked away.

"Stark, do you have eyes on him?" Natasha asked looking around.

"No, but I do know what direction he went in,somewhere to the east of here." Tony replied, and so the search began

* * *

 

He immediately followed the man as he was blown back into the air. The man who had been looking for him, the man he supposedly knew. He tried to remember soemtimes, but it never worked. He couldn't. He knew him, though he knew him. He crouched down next to the man on the ground... he was so small. Thats when his memories came back like a brick wall causing him to cry out. The frail man below him came to.

"Bucky?" He didn't know what to say.

"I thought you were bigger." was the first thing that came to his mind.

"I thought you were deader." Steve retorted as he slipped back into unconsciousness.

_Shit_

 

 He picked him up in a bundle of what was once a tight fitting uniform and carried him to the red haired woman, Natalia.

"Take care of him. I'll be back for him." He needed time... to process

* * *

 

Natasha stared blankly out into the distance, trying to process what had just happened.

"I found him..."

"How? I'm so much faster than you." Tony sounded displeased.

"It doesn't matter, Tony, We've got bigger problems."

"Is he a frog?"

"No... He's small. I think she reversed the serum." Natasha stared at the small Steve on the ground not knowing what to do.

"Oh... Oh shit."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> half way through completeing this chapter google chrome crashed deleting my hard work. SO this chapter was longer but i just... didnt have enough energy to re-write the whole intro so yeah. Sorry. I still hope you liked it.


	3. Okay, I lied to you. Everything is not fine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of room in Steve's bed now that he's tiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sad so this chapter is sad. This is like sort of a little tid-bit in the next chapter we will flash back to Steve waking up and the aftermath but right now lets enjoy some bittersweet Stucky. Sorry I know this is sort of out of order.

"Oh." Bucky was slightly startled.It was late at night and Steve had woken up. It had been rough, but, being alone was rougher. He had decided to go check on Steve... well more like to ask if Steve would mind if they shared a bed. They used to do that, a long time ago. He couldn't remember what it was like to have Steve next to him and he didn't like that. So he got out of his bed, in the room, Stark had let him stay in, walked to the door and opened it only to see Steve on the other side holding his pillow. They stared at each other in silence. For the first time in a long time, Steve was shorter than him, it was strange to have Steve look up at him. It was confusing, almost off putting, that he looked like the Steve he left behind to join the war. So very long ago... But it was what made him decide to stay. It was what brought his memories back to the surface. Why? he wasn't sure.

"I was just..." Steve, who had feigned his former confidence through out the day for his team, was now timidly staring at the floor. Looking away from Bucky's gaze because he knew Bucky could see through his mask.

"Come in." Bucky stood to the side to let Steve in. They set on the edge of the bed.

"I... it was weird knowing you were actually here, but... not with me." A lump caught in Steve's throat.

"I was actually on my way to your room... I remember we used to share a bed and I can't sleep knowing you're vulnerable and I could be with you." Bucky replied staring at his metal hand which was only inches from Steve's warm human hand.

"I'm not that weak, Buck." Steve scoffed.

"Steve..." He whispered.

"Yeah?" Steve looked up into Bucky's eyes, his eyes shining with tears threatening to fall.

"Do you wanna?" Bucky vaguely gestured at the bed. Steve nodded.

"Yeah." At first they lay next to each other, flat on their backs.

"Bucky?" Steve whispered

"Yeah?" Bucky's head turned slightly to look at Steve.

"I missed you." Steve frowned, trying not to cry.

"I know." Bucky said softly. Steve turned on his side and laid his head on Bucky's chest. Bucky stiffened, then stretched his arm around Steve.

"What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, Steve. But you're strongest man I've ever known. Serum or no serum."

"Thanks..."

"Why now? I've been looking for you... Why'd you come back, why now?" Steve asked.

"You need me." This time Steve didn't reply. He just let the tears fall, sobbing softly.

"It's gonna be okay, Steve, I've got you..."

"I should say that to you... I know you're not okay." Steve wiped the tears from his face.

"As long as you're with me, everything is alright." Bucky felt a tear slip out of his eyes.

"It's not that easy." Steve replied. Bucky rolled his eyes.

"Go to sleep, Steve." Bucky's hand ran slowly up and down Steve's back, it always used to put him to sleep.

"Can you believe how long it's been?" Steve asked as his eyes grew heavier.

"And yet here we are, against all odds." Bucky replied.

"Till the end of the line?" Steve whispered.

"Till the end of the line." Bucky whispered back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything's Alright by Laura Shigihara is what inspired this chapter. Sorry for the time skip, but the next chapter will be the events leading up to this chapter. I hope its not confusing.


	4. We can fix this...  maybe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens before the last chapter. So we're in the present now.

It was when  Sam was awoken by a phone call from none other than Tony Stark that he knew something was wrong.

 

“Hey Sam.” Tony spoke nervously. No sarcasm, no witty remarks, something was wrong.

 

“What the hell happened this time?” Sam sighed.

 

“Well… uh. You see we were dealing with a witch, no big deal, right? well until she uh hocus poucsed Steve and reversed the serum. Now he is skinny and fragile and in a coma. It’s been three days, he’s stable but not awake—“ Tony began to ramble and Sam stopped him.

 

“No wait, he’s been what?” Sam exclaimed.                    

 

“Turned into pre-serum Steve Rogers, now here’s the thing—“

 

“And it’s been three days and none of y’all thought to call me?” Sam frowned

 

“Okay well, we were freaking out, this is very stressful. We can try to replicate the serum but last time someone did that they turned into the Hulk. Also the witch said it can be reversed, with true love’s kiss.” Tony continued.

 

“True love’s kiss, that’s ridiculous.” Sam scoffed.

 

“Yeah I know right, like who even could it be? His ex-girlfriend is 90, and other than that Steve hasn’t shown any interest in dating anyone. Oh and there’s one more thing.” Tony said uncertainly.

 

“What is it?” Sam sighed.

 

“Barnes showed up. It seems he’s got his memories back and he hasn’t tried to kill anyone but, he’s really quiet and broody. He also won’t move from Steve’s medical room except when the nurses come in to check his vitals. I don’t even know if he’s eaten...” Tony didn’t try and mess with the assassin at all he just sorta functioned around him and threw the occasional witty remark at him in hopes of getting a smile from the soldier, but it never worked.

 

“… Alright. I’m coming out you guys are clueless.”

 

“Good, I have a ride waiting for you outside you just need to pack. then ride my private jet to new york.” Tony sighed in relief.

 

“Your private jet? of course you have a private jet Jesus Christ…” And with that, Sam hung up.

* * *

 

This was the third time he’d woken up in a hospital in the 21st century, he wondered what had happened this time. Something with a witch he thought. He open his eyes to stare at the ceiling, something was wrong. The tiles sort of blurred together. Perhaps the affect of some medicine they had given him? Except it wasn’t wearing off. He felt different too… He looked down and lifted up his arm.

 

“No…” It was tooth pick thin.  Then there was someone by his side… Bucky? He couldn’t make out the features completely but it really looked like Bucky.

 

“I’m dreaming.” He stated.

 

“No, you’re not.” Bucky replied. Steve was going to reply but then someone walked in the door.

 

“Bruce?” 

 

“Yeah, it’s me, Steve.” Steve couldn’t tell if he smiled or not.

 

“James? Can I ask you to maybe give us some space? There’s other doctors that need to come in and we don’t want to overwhelm Steve.” Bruce said kindly. Bucky just glared at him.

 

“We’re not going to hurt him, you know that. But we need to make this as stress free as possible.”  Bruce reasoned.

 

“I’ll be right outside.” Bucky replied begrudgingly leaving the room.  A nurse filed in after Bucky left.

 

“Okay, does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on?” Steve raised his voice.

 

“You’re not going to like this, but the serum has been reversed.” Bruce said as the nurse stood by.

 

“… Reversed?” Steve’s eyes widened. His heart sped up, that couldn’t be possible.

 

“You’ve been turned back into the state you were in before the serum was injected.” Bruce elaborated.

 

“Oh.” This was too much to process. Has this century decided to take everything from him?

 

“Do you remember what happened?” Bruce asked empathetically. 

 

“We were fighting a witch and then… I woke up here.” Steve furrowed his brow his mouth tugging downwards. He felt vulnerable, a feeling he had almost forgotten. Sent back to his frail body, what kind of karma was this?

 

“She cast a spell on you, she said it could be reversed by true love’s kiss but…” Bruce trailed off.

 

“… That doesn’t make sense.” Steve glared at the god damned blurry yellowish floor in frustration. 

 

“I know, Tony and I are working on re-creating the serum but that’s incredibly dangerous.” Bruce sighed. Steven leaned back for a second then seems to be contemplating something for a second.

 

“Obviously there’s tests you’ve got to do to me, let’s get them over with. And get me some glasses, I’m near sighted.”  Bruce nodded and so began the long string of needles and questions.

* * *

 

 

“So is this all you do?” Sam strolled down the hall way where Bucky was seated, waiting outside of Steve’s room.  Bucky looked up at him and scowled.

 

“I suppose.”  He shrugged.

 

“How long has it been since you’ve eaten?” Sam crossed his arms and leaned against the wall across from Bucky.

 

“What’s it to you?” Bucky remembered Sam, he’d ripped off one of his wings. He was also one of Steve’s best friends, and Bucky was slightly bitter over that. Bucky was Steve’s best friend, but he knew that was childish. Though he was glad Steve had someone to lean on when he wasn’t there.

 

“You’re a 90+ year old war veteran slash POW, your executive functioning is probably shit. I take it you aren’t very good at taking care of yourself, Steve isn’t going to be happy to have you back all malnourished.” Sam looked down at Bucky with his eyebrows raised. Bucky looked away bitterly.

 

“I don’t need to eat as much, I’m a super human.” 

 

“Bull shit, so is Steve, he eats like a cow.” Sam laughed a little.

 

“… It’s been a day or so.” Bucky admitted.

 

“What about sleep?” Sam looked at him expectantly.

 

“… I don’t get much.” 

 

“Nightmares, huh? I can get that.” Sam nodded.

 

“You aren’t afraid of me. Everyone else tip toes around me, but not you.” Bucky narrowed his eyes at Sam.

 

“Well I’ve got experience with people like you, I’m not really a therapist per say but I help who I can.” Sam shrugged.

 

“People like me? No one’s like me.” 

 

“You’re a war vet, there’s tons of those.” Bucky didn’t respond.

 

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but if you ever want to, I’ll listen.”  Sam offered.

 

“Thanks, I guess.”  Bucky ran his hand through his hair.

 

“Now lets stop this broody bullshit, and get you some food, Come on.” Sam motioned for Bucky to follow him.

 

“But Steve—“

 

“Will be here when you get back.”  They stared at each other for a moment then Bucky sighed. 

 

“Fine, but only to get something to eat.” 

* * *

 

Sam left Bucky in the kitchen with a couple of sandwiches and some water to go talk to Tony and Clint who were sitting in the living room watching TV.

 

“You got him to move, that’s impressive.” Tony commented.

 

“You just gotta talk to him.” Sam rolled his eyes.

 

“Yes just talk to the scary assassin. They’re so approachable.” Tony said dryly.

 

“Maybe if you thought of him as an actual person, it might be easier.” Sam rebutted.

 

“He’s got a point, Tony.” Clint said not looking away from the TV.  Tony glared at them both and sighed.

 

“I just don’t know what to do.” Tony said quietly.

 

“And you think they do? Steve and James are both in very unstable places right now. They’re both scared, and they’re going to need you guys to be there for them. Honestly, you’re scared? We’re all scared, Tony. But you’ve gotta think about someone other than yourself.” Sam said borderline aggressively.

 

“Damn.” Clint looked impressed.

* * *

 

“So, how do you feel?” Bruce asked when all the test were done. They were sitting in the medical room, Steve now in normal clothes and a pair of glasses.

 

“Just peachy.” Steve said dryly. Bruce sighed.

 

“We can fix this, Cap. Somehow.” Bruce laid a hand on his small shoulder. Steve looked up at him.

 

“Yeah well, until then I’m stuck like this.” Steve frowned.

 

“You survived like this for years Steve.” 

 

“I did, and this doesn’t change anything. I’m still Captain America… I’m just smaller.” Steve scoffed lightly.

 

“Yeah…” Bruce trailed off.

 

“Now, what?” Steve asked.

 

“Well I figured you’d want to have some time to talk to your friend—“ 

 

“My friend?” Steve cut in.

 

“James? You saw him when you woke up didn’t you?” Bruce was slightly confused.

 

“Bucky’s here? I thought I just… was hallucinating or something.” 

 

“No, he’s been here the whole time. I think seeing you all small again triggered his memories.” Bruce shook his head. Steve looked at Bruce for a second and then stood up.

 

“I’ve got to see him.” and promptly left. Bruce smiled lightly as Steve left.

 

He made his way into the living room stopping when he saw Sam.

 

“Sam?” He would be happy but he didn’t want Sam to see him like this. He could also feelClint and Tony staring at him. 

 

“Well, look who it is. Hey, Steve.” He grinned and pulled skinny Steve into a tight hug. Normally this wouldn’t bother Steve but now he couldn’t breathe. He made a sound of discomfort.

 

“Oh, sorry.” Sam released him.  Steve shook his head as a way of saying it was fine. Then he looked at his other team mates, seeing the concern on their faces. 

 

“I’m fine, you guys. Don’t be worried. I still know how to throw punches. I can take care of myself. We’re still a team.” He smiled trying to mask how terrified and unsure he was. The worry on their faces only lessened slightly.

 

“We know, Cap. I’d never doubt your stubborn ass for a second.” Clint said trying to lighten the mood. Sam, Clint, and Tony froze for a second looking at something behind Steve. Steve cocked his head at them and then turned around.

 

“Bucky?” a lump caught in his throat.

 

“Yeah, Steve?” Bucky smiled but his eyes looked dark, and uncertain. Instead of replying Steve just hugged him. Bucky hugged him back, as the other three men decided it might be best to give them some alone time.

 

It was so… strange to  hold each other again. Steve was amazed the after all this time, Bucky still smelled the same. He didn’t want to let go, he finally had Bucky back. Even if he had to be small again, at least he had Bucky.

 

“So I guess it’s just like old times again, huh?” Bucky pulled away.

 

“Yeah?” Steve quirked his eye brow.

 

“Your a tiny idiot, and I’ve got to look after you.” Bucky smiled at him, or at least tried to. Steve rolled his eyes.

 

“I don’t need to be looked after.” He said stubbornly.

 

“Not if you’re as reckless and stubborn as I remember.” Bucky retorted.

 

“I’ll give you that.” Steve shrugged. They stood in silence for a moment.

 

“Well I should probably call a team meeting… things are going to change.” Steve didn’t look pleased to say this.

 

“Don’t worry, Stevie. We just gotta find you the right girl to kiss, and you’ll be right back to your old self.” Bucky pushed him playfully.

 

“Yeah, right…” Steve knew he wouldn’t fall in love with anyone. 

 

Steve didn’t want to face his team,but he knew he had to.  At least he had Bucky by his side...


	5. Fixer Upper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long. i've been really busy.

Bucky frowned at the book he was pretending to read. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Tony walk in.

 

“Your book is upside down.” Tony said. Bucky flinched and inhaled sharply. He was confused for a second until he finally registered who was talking to him, and that everything was okay. 

 

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.” Tony grimaced and stared at him for a moment. 

 

“It’s okay.” Bucky shrugged, looking away from Tony.

 

“Can I sit?” Tony asks, Bucky is confused but nods. Tony sits on the end of the couch, turned to face Bucky. Bucky adjusts so that he could see Tony, but still see the entrance to the room.

 

“Where’s Steve?” Tony asks.

 

“Asleep.” Steve had decided to take a nap, leaving Bucky with nothing to do.  Tony pauses and contemplates what he’s about to say, takes a deep breath, and says it anyway.

 

“I know you killed my parents.” Bucky’s eyes snap up to meet his.

 

“Is that why you won’t talk to me?” Tony asked, Bucky didn’t respond.

 

“I’ve seen you talk to pretty much everyone else, not a lot but you seem slightly at ease around them, but you barely speak to me and it’s been bothering me.” Bucky still doesn’t say anything, but his heart is racing.

 

“I don’t blame you, Hydra did it. You were a gun, and they pulled the trigger. It wasn’t the real you who killed them.” Bucky still didn’t know what to say so he let Tony continue.

 

“I came to peace with my parent’s death a long time ago. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t talk to me… I’m not sure if you know this, you probably do. But I was a prisoner of war too, it’s how I got this nightlight in my chest. It wasn’t for like 70 years but, they used me too. My weapons for things I would never do. So I kind of get what you’re going through…” Bucky had known that but he’d never thought about it that way.

 

“So I just wanted to say, I forgive you. So please stop being so broody around me, it’s kind of scary.” Tony laughs lightly. Bucky swallowed, and decided to speak.  He had a lot of things to say but he figured this would do.

 

“Thank you.” Bucky tried to smile and Tony nodded.

 

“Okay now that the serious stuff is over with, time for what I really came here for. Your arm is broken and it’s been bothering the hell out of me. I can fix it, you know. If you’d just ask.” Tony looked at him hopefully.  

 

“My arm ain’t broken…” Bucky whispered looking down at his right arm.

 

“No, I meant your left one. You don’t have full range of motion, plus some of the plates are rusted and not functioning properly. I had JARVIS do a scan and though your arm looks rely high tech it seems like Hydra just kept repairing it instead of updating it. Because I swear some of that tech is from the dark ages.” Tony motioned to his metal arm. Bucky frowned.

 

“I can make it better, plus I can do whatever design you’d like if you’re tired of the red star. But I don’t want to force you into this, if you aren’t comfortable with it.” Tony said but he seemed like he really wanted Bucky to say yes. 

 

“It works just fine…” 

 

“I can even make you a sleeve that looks like skin. So you don’t have to wear long sleeves all the time when you go in public. It’ll look just like a normal left arm. It will definitely lower the levels of unwanted attention a metal arm gets you.” Tony was right…

 

“Fine. But you have to explain everything you’re doing.” Tony’s face lit up.

 

“That’s perfect!” and so that’s how Bucky ended up in Tony’s lab. Tony was walking him through every step but honestly, Bucky stopped listening about 15 minutes in. 

 

“So… you and Steve always share a bed?” Tony smirked at him, looking up from what he was doing to his arm.

 

“What?” Bucky quickly responded, tensing up.

 

“Sorry, Just trying to see if you were listening. I’m not judging you really, I was just shocked when I went looking for Steve and found  him in your bed. But hey, Don’t tell Pepper, but sometimes Bruce and I sleep in the same bed, you know nightmares and such, when she’s not here. It’s a best friend thing.” Tony  shrugged. Bucky glared at him and then went back to not listening. 

* * *

 

Steve had said he was going to sleep, but really he just wanted to agonize by himself. This whole situation was hard to wrap his head around. He could tell his whole team was being extra careful around him, like he was made of glass. But he really wasn’t, he was still strong… Or at  least that’s what he told himself. He wasn’t sure he believed it. He had tried to exercise  but had an asthma attack which spooked his whole team, and then banned him from any exercise other than walking. He felt stuck, and after his meeting with the team, they decided not to tell the public. Which didn’t prevent him from going outside because he wasn’t recognizable anymore, but what did he really have to do? There was nothing out there for him to do. 

 

A good man, he mused. What was he without   the serum? Erskine called him a good man… but he wasn’t so sure anymore. He has changed. Times have changed. Everything was different. Everything felt so pointless when his strength was stolen from him. Now he had no Captain America facade to hide behind, he was once again a skinny kid from Brooklyn. With dreams to big for a body so small. 

 

All his motivation from before, back when Bucky was being sent to war, was gone. What did he have to fight for now? The world went 70+ years without him, they had no need for him anymore. He felt completely useless, he didn’t feel like doing anything. Just getting out of his bed, his body fought him. He got dizzy, or his body ached. So he laid there miserably. He had Bucky but… Things were weird. It was good and bad all at the same time. He just didn’t know what to did, neither did Bucky. No one did, except Sam. He was a constant positive force, which was somewhat exhausting. 

 

After about three hours of doing nothing, Steve decided to go see what Bucky was doing, except he wasn’t reading anymore. Maybe he went to get something to eat? Steve walked to the kitchen but only found Bruce with a cup of tea. Steve frowned.

 

“He’s with Tony.” Bruce told him.

 

“What?” Steve looked at him.

 

“James. Tony somehow convinced him to let him fix up his arm. you were looking for him weren’t you?” Bruce said knowingly.

 

“How did you know?” 

 

“These days, you only come around when you can’t find James.” Bruce shrugged and took a sip of his tea. Steve felt slightly guilty for that, but he didn’t concern himself much with that and more with the fact that Tony was doing something to Bucky’s arm. Steve pictured bright red paint, gauntlets, and lasers. Nothing relatively safe at all. He nodded at Bruce and headed to Tony’s lab but stopped short when he saw Tony and Bucky walking out.

 

“So your arm is as good as new. I’ll have  your skin thing ready in a few days though I warn you it’s gonna be weird, ugh.” Tony shuddered. Bucky laughed lightly, it didn’t bother him. Steve just stood there confused.

 

“Oh, hey Cap! Look, I fixed your friends arm.” Tony saw Steve and gestured at Bucky. His arm actually looked pretty much the same, just shinier and smoother. Steve’s eyes went to where the red star used to be.

 

“Is that my shield?” He asked.

 

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded. 

 

“Oh.” Steve didn’t know what to say. Tony looked between them both and decided to leave.

 

“Well, I’ll leave you guys to talk.” Tony walked away.

 

“So you got over the Tony thing, huh?” Steve asked.

 

“Yeah, we talked…” Bucky replied.

 

“Sam’ll be proud of you.” Steve smiled up at him. 

 

“Oh god, I forgot about him.” Bucky did not want a lecture about how good or bad he was doing or how much progress he was making. 

 

“You get used to it.” Steve shrugged. Bucky rolled his eyes and put his arm around Steve.

 

“So, you done moping?” He asked lightly. Steve looked up at him. Of course he knew.

 

“For now.”  He laughed.

 

“Good, because I’ve been talking to Natalia.” 

 

“Oh no…”

 

“We’ve got some dates to send you on. It’ll be good for you. Besides you might even get that curse curing kiss.” Bucky smiled. Steve glared up at him. He was not looking forward to any date at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to send Steve on some dates.


	6. This house is falling apart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stucky angst and Steve goes on a date! The pining begins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm legit half asleep im so sorry

Steve was awoken in the darkness by a trembling  Bucky having a nightmare that Steve knew he didn’t want to know what it was about. Bucky look so scared, and Steve wanted to help him.  He wanted to reach out and touch Bucky but he knew better than that.

“Buck—“  He began but the second he opened his mouth he was pinned down to the bed. Bucky’s eyes where full of chaos and his body poured out tension. A metal hand cupped his cheek roughly, fingers almost bruising his face. Bucky’s other hand pinned his shoulder down. It hurt but nothing hurt like the sorrow he felt for his friend, what he must have been through to be like this. 

“…Bucky?” He said quietly not wanting to make anything worse. Bucky, who was above him pinning him down,looked directly into his eyes and let out a sharp breathe.

“Steve?” He nearly whimpered.

“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.” He said trying to ignore the fact he was nearly being crushed by Bucky’s weight. He was more concerned for Bucky.

“Oh, oh god I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His hand released Steve’s shoulder and the hand on Steve's face loosed it’s grip but remained in place.

“Don’t apologize, Bucky. You were having a nightmare.” Steve looked into Bucky’s eyes, his hand reached up and slid over the metal one.

“Everything is okay, it was all a dream.” Steve smiled up at Bucky.

“… Did I hurt you?” Bucky asked 

“No, but you are pretty damn heavy.” Steve smirked up at him. Bucky realized he was on stop of Steve and let out a small laugh and moved to where he was a few inches away from Steve.

“Then why are you crying?” Bucky frowned.

“You are too.” Steve replied. They were both pretty shook up. Bucky could still feel the anxiety from his dream pumping through him.  He sighed and ran his hand over his face. 

“They took you from me.”  The way Bucky was looking at him shook Steve down to his soul.

“In your dream?” Steve asked, Bucky nodded.

“Come here…” Bucky whispered and pulled Steve into his chest. Bucky’s arms held him tight and Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck so they were even closer. Tears silently fell down both of their faces. They held on to each other as if it were for dear life. Steve’s chest felt heavy, with a longing he had kept tucked away for a very long time. His heart felt heavy with something he didn’t want to admit, so he held onto Bucky and cried. They seemed do that a lot lately. Steve relaxed into Bucky’s arms and brought his hands to Bucky’s chest, feeling his strong heart beat. Bucky yawned as he rest his hands on the small of Steve’s fragile back.

“Go back to sleep, Bucky.” Steve whispered Bucky whispered something back but Steve didn’t hear it. Eventually, they fell asleep in each others arms.

* * *

 

“Noooo.” Steve whined into Bucky’s chest as Bucky tried to get him out of bed.

“You’ve got a date, come on, Nat wants to dress you up.” Bucky smiled lightly.

“I don’t want to go on a date.” Steve buried his face into Bucky’s chest in protest.

“Are you pouting?” Bucky thought it was sort of adorable, but he wouldn’t admit it. 

“If it’ll get me out of this date.” Steve responded. Bucky chuckled but tried to get up once again.

“Come on!” He pushed at Steve with his hands. 

“Fine.” Steve glared up at him. 

They then traveled to Natasha’s room where she was waiting with Steve’s outfit. Begrudgingly, Steve let her dress him.

“What even is this?” Steve frowned at himself in the mirror. He was in a v-neck, skinny jeans, and combat boots.

“Girls like this.” Natasha smiled at him smugly. Steve just looked exasperated.  Bucky handed him hand sanitizer and his inhaler. 

“Go get ‘em, Rogers!” Steve glared daggers at him.

“Whatever, lets just get this over with.” 

* * *

 

Bucky wouldn’t admit this out loud, but he really didn’t want to send Steve on a date either. He could get sick, or get into a fight, knowing him. He also didn’t like the idea of Steve actually getting into a relationship with someone… It would mean they spent less time together. Even though Bucky knew it was unlikely Steve would fall in love with whoever they set him up with, he just didn’t like the thought.

Steve was his best friend, and he lost him for over 70 years, he didn’t want to lose him to some girl. But he knew Steve wanted to be super again, so he figured they better work fast and find him a girl. So there Bucky sat on his couch waiting for Steve to come back, totally not brooding. 

It’s just he’d finally remembered him. His best friend, the person he couldn’t imagine living without ever again. Things were hard, and it hurt a lot. They had so much to work through but Bucky would do anything, as long as he got to stay by Steve’s side. 

Bucky was so caught up in his own thoughts he didn’t notice when Steve sat down next to him on the couch.

“That was terrible.” Steve crossed his arms.

“Did you at least try?” Bucky said after he got over being startled.

“Yes, and I’m still tiny.” Steve huffed picking at his uncomfortably tight pants. 

“You kissed her?” Bucky grinned playfully.

“That was the point wasn’t it?” Steve glared at him.

“Guess it wasn’t true love.” Bucky put his arm around Steve’s shoulders.

“it just felt wrong… like I was using her. Do I really have to go on all these dates?” Steve sighed leaning slightly into Bucky.

“No, but good luck telling Natalia that.” Bucky shrugged.

Steve sighed again resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder. He was feeling tired, and his stomach was very unhappy with him. He’s given in and eaten bread on his date, big mistake. He felt exhausted, but Bucky mad whim feel slightly better.

“Why don’t we do something together?” Steve whispered 

“You asking me on a date, Rogers?” Bucky raised his eyebrow.

“No, I mean like old times. Just us, hanging out.” Steve pushed him playfully.

“As long as you promise not to get into any fights.” Bucky smiled.

“Whatever.” Steve yawned and pushed off his boots. He grabbed the blanket on the end of the couch and curled up, laying his head in Bucky’s lap. 

“So I’m your pillow now?”  

“Shhhh.” Steve closed his eyes to take a nap. Bucky stared down at him, his eye lashes fluttering over his cheeks. He studied his freckles,trying to remember if they were the same as before. He felt this light feeling in his chest and an urge to run his hand through Steve’s hair. He looked down at his best friend, who he had once forgotten, sleeping in his lap like he had done long ago, and he thought maybe he could stay this way forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed!!!


	7. Honestly, it was only a matter of time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gets sick from eating bread and kissing a girl he just met. Dr.Bucky to the rescue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *screams* i honestly wanted to write the 9th chapter before this one the idea came to me but i can’t just jump to what i wanT ITS FRUSTRATING anyways Steve is sick Bucky doesn’t really trust doctors because he always took care of Steve fine “we couldn’t afford doctors!" moral of the story don’t kiss girls you just met you might get strep!

Steve bolted straight up out of Bucky’s lap, his face pale.

“Steve?” Bucky asked concerned.

 “I’ll be right back, I just…” Steve jumped off the couch and ran to the bathroom where he proceeded to empty his stomach’s contents. He felt a warm hand on his back.

 “Did you eat the bread sticks?” He asked knowingly. 

“I thought just a couple wouldn’t hurt, but it’s been awhile since I’ve had to deal with allergies.” Steve whispered. He shut the toilet seat and flushed it. he went to stand up, but swayed so Bucky carefully guided him to the sink. Bucky wet a washcloth and began to wipe off Steve’s face.

 

 “Bucky we’re not kids anymore, I am a grown man.” He batted at Bucky’s arms.

 “Shut up.” Bucky replied, ignoring Steve’s protests.

 “If we keep this up the whole team’s gonna think we’re queer.” Steve laughed. 

“Stark already thinks we are.” Bucky shrugged and smirked back at him. 

“Of course he does.” Steve rolled his eyes

. “Come on, Rogers, You need to lay down.” Bucky tugged tug his arm. Steve resisted.

 “No I’m brushing my teeth first.” Steve said and Bucky nodded and went back to the couch When Steve came out he frowned.

 “My throat is hurting really bad, too.” Steve grimaced Bucky frowned too.

 “You were prone to getting strep.” 

“Oh great.” Steve scrunched up his nose. Bucky left, saying he’d be back with a spoon. When he came back, he dragged Steve to the bathroom and struggled slightly, but eventually found the flashlight app on his phone.

“Open your mouth.” Bucky demanded. Steve glared at him, but did it anyways. 

“Ow, Bucky quit man handling me, you’re shining the flashlight in my eyes!” Steve complained as he cringed back from Bucky as he grabbed Steve and shoved the end of the spoon in his mouth. Bucky turned off the flashlight and removed the spoon. “Yep. You most definitely have strep.” Bucky sighed.

 “Lovely.” Steve whined. Bucky led him back to the couch and made him lay down.

 “Do you have a fever?” Bucky said quietly and rested his right hand on Steve’s cheek. Then pressed his cheek against Steve’s forehead. Steve gasped quietly at the closeness of Bucky’s face to his.

 “Maybe a light one.” Bucky frowned.

 “We should probably go the doctor.” Steve said, hoping to get out of the old natural remedies they had to use back in the day because doctors cost too much. Bucky glared at him. 

“You’re not that lucky.” Bucky crossed his arms. Steve sighed and put a hand over his face.

 “I’m so excited.” Steve pulled up his blanket and turned away from Bucky.  

“I’ll be back, try to rest.” With that Bucky left the room and headed to the kitchen.

* * *

 

 

Bruce found Bucky rummaging around in the kitchen, he looked at him confused for a second. “Do you need help?” Bruce asked quietly trying not to startle him. Bucky still tensed.

 “Uh… No. I was looking for some stuff to make Steve but I guess we don’t have it. So I guess I’ll have to go out and get it…” Bucky had’t been grocery shopping in literally decades.

 “What are you looking for?” Bruce tried to help. 

 “3 cloves of garlic, cayenne pepper, raw honey, and a mortar and pestle. I also need apple cider vinegar.” Bucky was slightly uncomfortable, just general anxiety. He used to be good around other people… not so much any more. 

 “Is Steve sick?” Bruce asked concerned. 

 “Yeah, He’s got strep.” Bucky still didn’t look at him. That’s when Tony barged in.

 “Did I hear Steve’s sick? Is he dying? Shouldn’t we take him to a doctor?” Tony said speedily.

 “I only took him to the doctor when he was deathly ill. We couldn’t afford one. His mom gave me all these recipes for natural medicine, and they all worked. If I could get Steve through the 1930s with it, It’ll work.” Bucky frowned. He really didn’t see the need, if he could take care of him. 

 “But still, I think he should go to a doctor. We have drugs that work just as well. If he;s sick he needs to go to a doctor that’s just the way it is—“ Tony reasoned but Bruce stopped him. 

 “Tony. He’s already made his decision. He’s not gonna listen to you.” Bruce said firmly. Tony sighed. 

 “Okay fine.” Tony crossed his arms. 

 “You should probably go to Sprouts to get what you're looking for, you an get directions on your phone. It’s not too far, you can walk.” Bruce told Bucky.

 “Remember the card I gave you? The debit card? Use that to pay. Just swipe it in the machine and the checkout. The pin is Steve’s birthday, just a personal touch. You’re welcome.” Tony smirked. “Right. Thank you.” Bucky nodded and headed back to his room. 

 “If you’re going out don’t forget your arm thing!” Tony added as he left then turned to Bruce. 

 “They grow up so fast.” He said, faking a sorrowful look. Bruce just laughed and shook his head

* * *

 

 Bucky changed into a navy blue shirt with Steve’s shield on it, black pants, and black combat boots. He put on his arm cover and stared at it for a bit. It was so weirdly realistic and it kind of grossed him out. But he was thankful that Tony made it for him, it made going out easier. Not that he had been out since Steve got turned back small. He walked back to Steve on the couch and gave him a bottle of water. He kneeled down next to the couch to speak to Steve.

 “Are you going out?” Steve asked as loudly as his hoarse throat would let him.

 “Yeah, I have to go to…. Sprouts? and use the weird plastic money thing.” He frowned. “

Ah yes, debit cards. Tony gave me one too. You get used to it. It is weird though.” Steve agreed. Steve smiled lightly, they looked in each others eyes for a moment. After a bit Bucky frowned and looked away. A pain shot through Steve’s heart.

 “I should go, take it easy till I get back and drink your water.” Bucky whispered. Steve nodded. He watched Bucky walk to the door and stopped him last second.

 “Be careful.” He said with worry. Bucky didn’t say anything, he just smiled and left. 

 Steve sighed wincing as his throat ached. He laid his he’d against the pillow. He didn’t know why he was so opposed to Bucky leaving without him, but it made him anxious and it made him sad. He really just didn’t want Bucky to go, Steve was scared he wouldn’t come back.

* * *

 

 Bucky left the tower through the back to avoid the constant media that waited there. The government had decided against prosecuting him, and deemed him the longest prisoner of war. That didn’t stop the media from freaking out over the mysterious soldier who looked exactly like James Buchanan Barnes. He was surprised at how many people took his side, even though they had no idea who he really was or where he was, Steve had fought for him and if Captain America deemed him innocent, the public did too. 

 Bucky sighed and looked at the map on his phone, memorizing it immediately and putting it back in his pocket. He weaved his way through crowds of people, avoiding looking at anyone. He hated crowds they put his senses on high alert, and it was more than overwhelming. He tried to even his breathing, he had to do this for Steve. He was supposed to be strong, better than this. But without his programming, everything he was flu apart, and he was scared. But he had Steve, and that’s all he needed. He kept walking for a bit until he arrived at the small health food store. 

He entered the building and was greeted, which he promptly ignored, He grabbed one of the small carrying baskets and looked around. He was very opposed to asking for help so he just walked in. He found the herbs and spices first. He grabbed the garlic and put 3 clove sin a plastic bag, next the cayenne pepper. He also found the honey in the same area. It was all this weird self serve labeling system. He grabbed a mortar and pestle that were near the spices and decided to look around. 

They had a bunch of weird fruit. What in god’s name is a pumello? He came across some apricots, they were Steve’s favorite fruit. They were hard to come across in the war, so he grabbed a couple as a surprise for Steve. He wandered to the frozen section looking at all the gluten free options. Bucky typically cooked Steve’s food, having learned most of the recipes from Steve’s mother, a few he’d also found on the internet. He wondered if microwaved food tasted good, he couldn’t say he’d ever had any. He normally got the ingredients for Steve’s food through Tony, he’d just tell him what he needed and it would appear. He’d ask Steve later if he wanted to try anything microwaved.

 He changed his route to go find vitamins, those would be good for Steve. But god damn there were so many. He got vitamin C because he knew that was good for your immune system. He decided they probably needed melatonin too, as they both had trouble sleeping. Bucky got a bottle with a smaller dose for Steve and a bottle of a bigger dose for himself, considering he was still a super soldier. He also decided on a multi-vitamin, SAM-e which said it helped with depression, and GABA for anxiety. 

He knew Steve didn’t want medication, but he also knew Steve was suffering, so he wanted to help. He walked to the check out aisle and placed all his things on the conveyer belt. The cashier, a young girl with blue hair smiled at him. 

 “Did you find everything okay today?” She asked. Bucky nodded. She finished ringing everything up and looked at the total. Holy shit, things were expensive these days. But he figured since this diet card was given to him by Tony Stark it would have enough money. Besides that when he settled in at the Tower Tony got him some sort of government compensation for war veterans. Bucky wasn’t paying attention really. It was weird to have money, but definitely less stressful. He was grateful that he didn’t need to worry about money to take care of Steve.

 “Okay go ahead and swipe your card.” She said pulling him out of his thoughts. Bucky frowned and stared at the thing. He swiped it once, but it didn’t work.

 “Try the other way.” she smiled. This time it worked. 

 “Hit debit.” She added he nodded. 

 “Now enter the pin and then sign your name and hit enter.” She continued. He nodded again. “Thanks." he whispered.

 “Of course, I figured you wouldn’t know how to use it.” She laughed. He looked at her confused. “I’m the biggest Captain America fan, you think I wouldn’t recognize his best friend?” She smiled secretively. He didn’t know what to say.

 “It’s okay I’m not telling anyone, but just in case anyone hasn’t said it, Welcome back.” She looked at him kindly.

 “Actually, no one has said it yet.” He realized. “Well, then you’re welcome. Have a good day, Sargent!” She mocked saluted him. He smiled despite his heart racing, and grabbed his bags. He quickly head back to the tower.

* * *

 

 “I’m back.” Bucky headed into the room he had already prepared the mixture of garlic, cayenne pepper, and honey. He had a glass of apple cider vinegar and another of water. He sat them down on the table in front of Steve. Steve sat up. “Thanks.” He whispered. even though he really didn’t want to eat it, he was glad Bucky was back. “So you remember the drill? A spoonful of the garlic every 30 minutes, and gargle apple cider vinegar 3 times a day, and don’t forget the water.” Bucky looked at him sternly.

 “Yes. I remember, I’m so excited.” Steve said flatly. Bucky sat next to him and put out all the bottles of vitamins on the table. 

 “I got you these too, their vitamin pills.” 

 “What for?”

 “You’ll take them all when you get up except the melatonin. They’re for depression and anxiety plus your immune system. You should take the vitamin C right now, actually. Also melatonin’s for sleep. The smaller dose is for you.” Bucky shrugged. “Bucky… I don’t… Thank you.” Steve whispered. 

 “I can tell you’re suffering, and I can’t have that on my watch. I just wanted to try and help. Anything for my best friend.” He put his hand on Steve shoulder. 

 “Don’t get all sappy on me, Barnes.” Steve rolled his eyes. Bucky opened the vitamin c and got one out for him. 

 “Here, you get started and I’m going to go put your surprise in the mini fridge in our room.” Bucky got up.

 “Surprise?” Steve asked. 

 “I got you apricots.” Bucky smiled.

 “You remembered?” Steve felt himself tearing up, but he was smiling. 

 “Of course, now hurry up and eat that spoonful before I feed you myself. I’m not leaving till I see you swallow.” Bucky crossed his arms. Steve sighed and glared at him. He took a spoonful and putt in his mouth grimacing at the flavor. He swallowed it painfully and took a swig of water, popping the vitamin C in his mouth.

 “Just as delicious as I remember.” He cringed. Bucky laughed and then left. Steve sighed and got up to gargle the apple cider vinegar, as much as he hated being taken care of, he kind of missed it. He mostly missed Bucky.

 As he spit out the vinegar in the sink, he realized Bucky had said “our room”.Though when Steve thought about it, it was true. Most of Steve’s stuff had moved to Bucky’s room, his clothes, his toiletries. It made him happy, he didn’t know why, he and Bucky had lived together for years with one bed. Steve sighed and went back to the couch. It was beginning to become night time, and he was pretty tired. He drifted off and din’t come to until he realized Bucky was tucking him into bed.

 “Bucky?” He asked tiredly. 

 “Hey Steve, can you sit up? You need to take this.” Bucky said softly. Steve nodded and took the melatonin, maybe it would help him stay asleep instead of waking up like he often did throughout the night. He winced as he swallowed the pill. He realized he was wearing a different shirt and sweat pants.

“… Did you?” He asked as Bucky got into bed beside him. 

 “It’s not like it’s the first time, go back to sleep Steve.” Bucky whispered and pulled Steve into his arms.

 “I can’t believe I’m the little spoon again.” Steve scoffed.

 “Shut up, Stevie.” Bucky whispered back.

 “Jerk.” Steve elbowed him. 

 “Shhhh.” Bucky nestled his face into Steve’s neck and Steve shuddered, leaning back into his touch. He rested his hand on the arm around his waist.

“Good night, Buck.”

“Night, Steve."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this was educational for you guys, vitamins are good for you but expensive as hell. Holistic medicine works but it tastes terrible most of the time. incase you want what Bucky gave Steve here you go: http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/how-to-kick-strep-throat-faster-and-better-without-antibiotics/  
> also that works for more than strep in general most sicknesses like a cold but also dont be dumb and not go to the doctor if you like have the flu.  
> Also do they have sprouts in new york? Idk. Its a health food store that expensive like whole foods.


	8. Do You Still Believe in Love, I Wonder?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky tries to remember his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been like 2 weeks but I’ve been busy! I start school soon! I made a playlist for this chapter and the next one too. Well at least a list of songs that inspired this chapter. They were: Angel with a shot gun - the cab, Anna Sun- Joey Graceffa cover, Hey Brother - Avicii. I know its only 3 songs so its not much. Also I added period typical homophobia and internalized homophobia to the tags!

“Steve! Come on!”  They were young, maybe twelve. It was hot and it was summer and Bucky was dragging Steve along the top of a hill in a park the frequented.

“This isn’t fair! I’m not as fast as you!” Steve was annoyed but he still smiled. He tried to speed up to get on par with Bucky.

“Then just take my hand!” Bucky laughed and turned around and grabbed Steve’s hand.   

“Bucky!” Steve cried in protest,  but laughed anyway.

If Steve wasn’t getting them into trouble, then Bucky was dragging them off onto some adventure. The two boys got into more trouble than their parents could handle, they certainly were a pair. Always on the look out for some trouble. Though normally, as Bucky would point out, Steve always started it. Bucky just ended it. 

They were all smiles and laughing, running through the grass, until Steve’s too big shoes caught on a rock and he slipped. Immediately Bucky followed, encasing Steve in his arms to make sure he wasn’t hurt. They ended up in a heap at the bottom of the hill.  Bucky pushed Steve off of him to make sure he won’t hurt.

 “Steve, are you okay?” Bucky’s eyes were filled with worry. Steve just beamed up at him, his blue eyes sparkled in the sunlight. At that moment, for the first time, Bucky’s heart was flooded with a feeling he didn’t recognize. He was used to concern… but this, this was different. Before he could think about it any further Steve began laughing.

 “Of course I’m fine! This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t’ve going so fast!” Steve sat up and pushed Bucky’s shoulder playfully. He expected Bucky to laugh too, but Bucky was still silent. Steve frowned.

 “Buck, are you okay?” He asked glancing over him.

 “Yeah, I’m fine, just a little dizzy.” Bucky said. Steve then noticed Bucky’s  knee was bleeding.

 “You’re bleeding!” Steve exclaimed. Bucky seemed to come back to himself and smiled.

 “You’ve got me injured worse! I’ll be fine, just stop being so clumsy!” Bucky stood up and grabbed Steve by his hand to pull him up as well. Steve didn’t let go of his hand so Bucky didn’t either. He still didn’t know what this feeling was… fear?  But it was exhilarating. It made him want to smile, but he was confused.

 “Come on, Buck! We need to find wherever my shoe flew off to!” Steve took the lead this time, dragging Bucky up the hill behind him. Bucky’s heart was racing and later looking back on it, he’d know what that feeling was. It was the day he realized he was in love with his best friend. The only thing was… It was wrong and at the time illegal.

 

* * *

 

“Steve you can’t keep punching people, I promised your mother, I’d take care of you, but you’re not making it very easy.” Bucky helped a limping, weak Steve into their apartment, dropping him off at the couch. 

 After Steve’s Mom died Bucky decided to move out of his parents house and get a shitty apartment with Steve. After all, he promised his ma he was gonna take care of him, and he always kept his promises. 

 “I wouldn’t have to punch people if they weren’t jerks.” Steve shrugged, his arms crossed. Lately Steve had been more on edge, and Bucky had no idea why.

 “You don’t need to carry every injustice on your shoulders.” Bucky frowned returning with a wash cloth to wash the blood off of his friend’s face.

 “If I don’t, then who is?” Steve retorted. Bucky sighed as he wiped the blood off of Steve’s face. When he finished, he looked into Steve’s eyes, he was lucky he’d only gotten a bloody nose this time before Bucky had stepped in. 

 “I swear, one day you’re gonna be the death of me.” He smiled sadly. Many years later, when Bucky reflected on it, he found it almost ironic. 

 “I never asked you to step in.” Steve moved away from Bucky on their old couch.

 “Well if I don’t, who will?” Bucky sighed repeating what Steve had said.

 “I guess you have a point…” Steve admitted.

 “Of course I do, Rogers.” Bucky smiled at him as he returned to the kitchen to rinse the blood out of the wash cloth. 

 “What’s been with you lately, Rogers?” Bucky asked as he returned to the couch.

 “Nothin’.” Steve shrugged, looking away.

 “Come on Steve, just give it up.” Bucky put a hand on Steve’s shoulder and was confused when Steve pulled away. He wasn’t normally like this, he’d even been sleeping as far away from Bucky on their shared mattress. Despite the fact it was winter, and they had no heating. Something was wrong.

 “Why don’t you ask one of those girls you’ve bee spending all your time with?” Steve snapped. Bucky laughed, thats what it was?

 “Oh come on Stevie, you know you’re my one and only.” Bucky teased. But Steve wouldn’t have it.

 “Fuck you.” He turned away, his back completely to Bucky.

 “Steven Grant Rogers, What would your mother say?” Bucky faked offense.

 “Just drop it, Buck.” He replied irritated. 

 “Oh come on Steve, I try my best. If you really wanted a girl you’d come on all those double dates I set up for you.” Bucky tried to get Steve to turn back around.

 “You really don’t get it do you?” Steve huffed and turned around to glare at him.

 “Get what?” For as much as Bucky loved Steve, he couldn’t get it through his head, how much Steve had loved him back. But that’'s something he won’t know until many years later, fate has a funny way about it, you know?

 Then, Steve kissed him. Well more like smashed his face into Bucky’s face but hey, he was angry and he’d never kissed someone before. Bucky blanched. Steve pulled back, slightly horrified but mostly still frustrated.

 “I just… I’m sorry.” Steve got up from the couch and headed to the door.

 “I’ll be back later.” and with that Steve was gone, he hadn’t even grabbed his jacket or scarf. It was winter for fuck’s sake. 

 “God damn it, Rogers…” Bucky said as he slowly processed what had happened. Not that it really mattered, Steve couldn’t feel the same way as he felt for him. He was just confused. And it was fucking winter. 

 “I swear to god…” Bucky mumbled as he put on his own jacket and gathered Steve’s jacket and such. He headed out the door after his friend, sure he would get sick in this weather. 

 It took an hour to find Steve, and by then Steve had already gotten sick. Bucky wrapped him in his jacket and scarf and took him home. After that he got a really bad cold and the kiss went by as an incident neither of them spoke about. 

* * *

 

When Steve arrived and saved him from Zola he was happy… but also pissed as hell. Of course Steve volunteered to be a guinea pig for a dangerous procedure he didm;t even know would work, and there he was “Captain America” a name he wore like a badge. A name that Bucky detested, he noticed it made Steve more arrogant, like he’d always thought he was invincible, only now it was true. 

 Of course Steve had come all the way to Europe, only to cause him more trouble having to save his ass from whatever fight he decided to jump into. He’d follow Steve till the end of the line. Wherever he went. But he knew ultimately, this whole “captain america” image wasn’t Steve, and he hand’t hesitated to point it out much to Steve’s chagrin. But he could say that tiny kid tom Brooklyn in him, Steve was still Steve, only know he was a captain. A rather large and beefy captain. Now ll the girls were falling all over him and needless to say it displeased Bucky but he went with it. He’d die for Steve, so he followed him into battle He trusted Steve more than anything else.

 And even now he didn’t regret picking up Steve’s shield in the train. He didn’t regret dying for Steve. Because He promised he’d protect him, and god help him, he’d do it even if it cost him his life. And in the end, it had. His only regret was that he hadn’t been around to protect him any longer than he had… 

* * *

 

Bucky woke up disgruntled. He hadn’t known what to make of his dreams… well they were more like memories. But there was something about his memories that bugged him. He only remembered Steve. Hadn’t he had a family? He felt guilty about not remembering them, didn’t he owe them that. Almost if on cue, Steve woke up. His small figure sighed, then rolled over to face, Bucky. He yawned into the arm that was splayed out under him. Bucky moved his arm so that he pulled Steve closer to his side, resting his hand on Steve’s hip. Steve, who was curled up like a cat, finally spoke.

 “Why’re you awake, Buck?” He sleepily looked up into Bucky’s eyes and despite everything he was feeling at the moment he smiled warmly.

 “Nothing you need to worry about, go back to sleep.” He whispered.

 “Not until you tell me what’s wrong.” Steve replied, his eyes shut as he rested his head against Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky sighed and hesitated for a moment, then spoke.

 “Why can I only remember you?” He asked.

 "Hm?” Steve opened his eyes to look up at him.

 “I can only remember things I did with you. Nothing about my family, I mean, I know I had one. But I can’t remember them, Steve.” He sounded troubled.

 “I dunno, Buck. Maybe because I’m right here and they’re… not?” Steve whispered.

 “Do you remember them?” Bucky asked.

 “Of course I do.” Steve smiled.

 “Can you tell me about them?” Bucky frowned, he was scared, but he wanted to know.

 “You’re Ma and Pa were definitely the happiest couple I ever met, they loved you, they loved all of their kids. You’re the oldest, you had two brothers, they were twins, who were three years younger than us. They got into more trouble than we ever did. Their names were George and Michael. You had a baby sister too, her name was Rebecca. You loved her more than anything, you were very protective over her until the very day you shipped out. She was 10 years younger than us, only 13 when we left for war. She looked up to you, and me. She swore even though we weren’t related by blood, I was her brother too. She was the sweetest thing…” Steve said wistfully and continued on talking about memorable instances with Bucky’s family.  Bucky almost remembered them… almost. But the more he tried the more his head hurt. 

 “Bucky don’t push yourself, it’ll all come back in time… and if it doesn’t. You’ll still have me to tell you the stories.” Steve frowned as Bucky winced from his developing headache.

 “If they loved me like you said… Then I owe it to them to remember them.” Bucky, despite his greatest efforts, yawned.

 “They wouldn’t want you to push yourself too hard, though.” Steve replied.

 “I guess you’re right… for once.” Bucky laughed lightly.

 “Of course I am, now go back to sleep.” Steve whispered.

 “Yes Sir, Captain Rogers!” Bucky mocked him.

 “Shut up…” Steve whispered.

 “Goodnight.” Bucky grinned.

 “Yeah, whatever.” Steve replied. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Homosexual Conduct was illegal in most states until 1962 and it wasn’t until 2003 that the supreme court decriminalised sodomy in the remaining 14 states it was still illegal in. 
> 
> Also Bucky in Steve should probably get out of bed, this is the second chapter I’ve ended with them sleeping. I promise next chapter they’ll get up and function like normal humans.


	9. Do You Still Believe in One Another?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have a visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter I've been dying to write which is why I posted it so quickly after the last one. I made myself cry writing this chapter thinking about Bucky singing lullabies and listening to amazing grace.

 

“My name is Rebecca Proctor, I’m here to see my brothers, Won’t you let me in?”  An old lady had began to have a minor tiff with the security in front of the Avengers Tower.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am, But we cannot let unauthorized personnel in, and I’m sure you have the wrong place, your brothers can’t live here.” The security officer replied.

“I can promise you he does, Just let me see him, and he will tell you.” She reasoned.

“I’m sorry, I can’t let you do that.”

“I haven’t seen my brothers in 75 years, sir. I didn’t come all this way for nothing. I will sit out here all day if I must.” She crossed her arms.

“I can’t let you in.” The security guard really didn’t want to get into a fight with an old lady.

“God damn it! Yes you will! It’s been 75 years and I know they’re here I just know it!” She glared at him.

“Ma’am I will have you escorted of the property if I must.” The security guard warned.

“I’m Rebecca Proctor nee Barnes. I’m James Buchanan Barnes’s sister. I’ve known Steven Rogers since I was a kid, and I know he lives here. Even if Bucky isn’t… I know Steve is. He’s like a brother to me, Please, you’ve got to understand. I thought he was dead. I need to see him.” This time she decided to try a different route, crying. No one could say no to  a crying old lady, that was just cruel. The security officer stared at her for a moment and sighed.

“Jarvis, I need you to contact Mr.Stark, there’s a woman here who claims to be the sister of Sergeant Barnes.” He really hoped this wasn’t some crazy old lady and he jus contacted his boss for nothing.

 

* * *

“Sir?” Jarvis spoke.

“Yeah?” Tony didn’t look up from his project.

“There is an elderly woman outside claiming to be Sergeant Barnes’s Sister.”  That made Tony look up.

“What?”

“I ran a scan of her face, and it is true. She is Sergeant Barnes sister. She is here to see him. and Captain Rogers.” Tony’s eyes widened.

“Uh… Okay alright, just give me a minute.”  Tony immediately left his lab and found Natasha in the living room.

“Where’s Sam? I need him like now.” Tony said panicked

“In the practice room with Clint, Why?” She pursed her lips.

“Barnes’s sister is here and I have no idea what to do.”  Tony wrung his hands together.

“We should definitely talk to Sam.”  Natasha agreed.

 

* * *

 

“Should we let her in?” Tony asked after explaining the situation to Sam. Sam frowned.

“He might not remember her, He might have a bad reaction.”

“He’s fine with Steve.” Tony reasoned.

“Yeah, after he tried to kill him.” Sam scoffed.

“But she wasn’t a target. If she was she’d be dead.” Natasha chimed in.

“If we let her in, we should talk to her first maybe tell her what to expect. I mean she came all this way, then we can ask Steve and James if they’re good with seeing her.” Tony reasoned.  Sam sighed.

“Okay lets do this.”  Sam nodded.

 

* * *

 

“Steve was a troublemaker, let me tell you, he couldn’t walk down the street without starting a fight, he was a very righteous man with a very short temper, he was always ready to jump into a fight all he needed was a reason.” Rebecca had joined them in their living room and ended up telling the team stories about Steve and Bucky in their youth.

“He’s still that way.” Natasha added.

“Oh I would imagine. Steve was a stubborn little thing too.” The team nodded in agreement.

“There was this one time, I was about 10, so they’d be around 20, and Bucky had done something Steve didn’t like so he just left their apartment and sat outside and wouldn’t come back in. He ended up making himself sick.” Rebecca smiled wistfully, highlighting the wrinkles of her face.

“Why does that not surprise me?” Sam shook his head.

“Honestly they were quite the pair, always getting one another out or into trouble. I think there wasn’t a day when they weren’t getting scolded.” Rebecca laughed as did the rest of the team. Rebecca paused for a moment the frowned.

“I was 13 when they left. I was 15 when my brothers died, now I’m 86. Now, I know this is a long shot but when I saw him on the news I knew it was my brother, I’ve never forgotten his face. I know what he’s done but he’s my family, and I know Steve is here. If Steve’s here then Bucky would be to. I understand if he isn’t. But I’d at least like to see Steve, if thats okay?” She pleaded.

“Well…” Tony trailed off.

“I gave Bucky a locket with my picture in it, and I told him that if he ever got scared or homesick that he should look at my face and remember who he was fighting for. I told him if he ever felt like dying to remember I was waiting for him, we all were. When Steve left too, I was scared, both of my brothers were leaving. Even if Steve wasn’t related by blood. I gave him a sterling silver cross necklace that my mother had given me for my birthday many years before. He said he couldn’t take it so I told him to give it back when he came home. Except he didn’t come home, Neither of them did. Now I know they’re alive and it’s been 75 years… I’d just like to see my brothers again.” She looked like she was tearing up and the avengers sat in a grim silence.

What were they supposed to do?

 

* * *

 

“Come on Bucky, we need to get something to eat.” Steve pulled and Bucky’s arm.

“Fine.” Bucky glared at him and followed Steve out of the door. They made their way to living room, through which was the kitchen. But when Steve, who was a few paces ahead of Bucky got to the entrance of the living room he stopped dead in his tracks,even staggering back a few steps.

“Becca?” Steve felt tears sting at the back of his eyes. It had been a long time but he’d recognize her anywhere. Bucky frowned, Who was Becca? That name sounded familiar.

“Oh, Steve.”She gasped and Steve stepped forward leaving Bucky still half way to the entrance.

“What happened to you? Weren’t you bigger?” She asked as she hugged him.

“Well weren’t you younger?” Steve said playfully.

“Steven!” She scolded him but happy tear were running down her face.

"Yes I was, but it’s a long story. This is temporary I’ll be all big again soon.” Steve explained. Rebecca nodded. 

Steve’s hand immediately went to the back of his neck where he unclasped something and pulled it out from under his shirt.

“I believe this is yours.” Rebecca gasped, it was the cross necklace. It was old and rusted but there it was.

“It was in the ice for about 75 years so its not in good shape but I was only borrowing it.” Steve shrugged. She took it from his hands.

“I thought surely after everything that happened it would be gone, I ever thought I’d get it back.” She took a deep breath, she didn’t want to cry anymore.

“Is… is he here?” She asked, Steve frowned.

“He might not remember you, Becca.” He said worried, Where had Bucky gone? He was no longer behind Steve.

“I know, and thats okay. I just need to see he’s alive, that all. I mean… I went to his funeral, yours too. I just can’t believe this whole time…” She swallowed a lump in her throat.

“I hid this. They never took it away from me… I didn’t know who it was. But I always hid it from them. There was a girl in the locket, she was young and pretty but I couldn’t seem to remember her. Sometimes I’d just stare at it… It was the only thing that tied me to reality, the only thing that was consistent. The girl is you isn’t it?” Bucky had retired with an old locket in his hand and he was staring at the picture inside. He didn’t look up but his hands were shaking. Everyone was immediately on edge, incase Bucky reacted poorly.

“Buck…” Steve whispered. Rebecca stared at the man in front of her, he was wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt. His hair was long, but it was the same color as her brothers. She recognized the locket, but if only he would just look up… and he did. His eyes were the same color and his features were the same but he looked exhausted and scared. Her heart wrenched at the thought of what he’d been through.

“Yes, Thats me.” She nodded. Bucky looked at her slightly disoriented. He was  getting flashes, shards of memories.

* * *

_An infant who couldn’t sleep so every night he cradled her in his arms and sing her a lullaby_

_"Hush little baby don't say a word._

_Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird….”_

_as he finished the babies eyes fell shut_  

* * *

“ _Buba! Buba!” a sweet little toddler waddled towards him._

_“What is it Becca?” He smiled and picked her up.”_

_“Its nap time! Story! Story!” She  giggled._

_“Of course. You go lay down and I’ll get the book, Okay?” He set her down and she nodded enthusiastically. He picked up an old green book, used for all the children in his family, full of nursery rhymes_

* * *

 

_“Push me higher!” Now she was a young girl in a swing, he was pushing her. They were in a park._

_“Careful, Buck, You might push her all the way to the moon!” A young blonde man who was sitting in the swing next to them, It was Steve, he remembered._

_“I wanna go to the moon!” She giggled_  

* * *

“ _Becca why’re you crying?” She was a almost 13 now. Steve put a hand on her Shoulder and he stood next to them, he was concerned._

_“He… He rejected me!” She sobbed._

_“Who?!” Bucky insisted._

_“Bobby Smith! I have a crush on him and he laughed in my face!” She cried. He pulled her into his arms._

_“Don’t worry Becca, he isn’t worth your time.” After they calmed her down they looked at each other._

_“We have to teach this kid a lesson.” Steve said gravely._

_“We’re adults  Steve we can’t just beat up a kid.”_

_“No, but you can threaten him.” Steve grinned up at him mischievously, and off they went_.

* * *

 

 “ _Bucky, no you can’t leave me!” the young teenager cried. She was taller now, looking more mature._

_“Becca, I’ll be back in no time. I promise.” Bucky hugged his sister tight._

_“Take this, I put a picture of me in it. So you never forget I’m here waiting for you and that you never loose the will to fight because you can’t leave me behind, okay?” She said tearfully handing him a locket._

_“Becca! Where’d you get the money for this?” He asked as he took the locket._

_“It doesn’t matter, now go! You have a date with Steve and some girls right?” She tried to smile._

_“Becca…” He whispered._

_“I love you.” She said._

_“I love you, too.”_

* * *

 

“Bucky!” Steve shouted his hand delicately placed on his shoulder, Somehow Bucky had ended up on the floor.

“You completely spaced out, are you okay?” Steve asked. Bucky didn’t say anything he just got up and walked over to Rebecca.

“I used to sing to you, every night.” He sat down next to her on the couch, leaving an inch between them. Steve asked thereat of the team to leave, to give them a moment alone.

“I sang the same songs to my children, They were twins just like George and Michael. I still have that old book you know…” She whispered.

“Becca… I’m so sorry.” He looked at her like he was afraid.

“For what, Bucky?” She asked.

“I left you.” He replied.

“But now you’re here.” She smiled.

“Can I hug you?” He asked. She nodded and he carefully embraced her, she began to cry and so did he.

“I missed you so much… Both of you.” 

“I know.” after a few seconds she pulled away.

“Now! I brought some stuff for you guys. Scrapbooks of my family, of our family.” 

And so it began. After the war she became close with Peggy, who was like a big sister to her. Their mother died of cancer and their father died soon after two years before she got married in 1950. Her husbands name was John Proctor, Her twin boys John James Proctor and George Steven Proctor were born in 1953. She’d married young and stayed a stay at home mom. Her kids were now living on their own with their own grandchildren, She lived alone with her husband John. She said she made sure everyone knew how much of a hero their Uncle Steve and Bucky were. Just recently her two older brothers George and Michael had passed as well. She showed them many pictures of their past and of her family. After awhile she grew tired and decided it was time to go but left her phone number. 

“You know, You can’t tell anyone about this.” Steve wished it didn’t have to be that way but it did.

“I know.” She nodded and left them two fancy looking boxes with a note attached telling them to open them when they were alone. 

* * *

 

A few hours later, after spending some social time with the team Steve and Bucky returned to their room and both held the boxes in their hands.

“Should we?” Steve asked. He had no clue what it was.

“Why not?” Bucky also had no clue what could be in the boxes.

So they both opened them and in unison their hearts stopped. 

_Dear Steve and Bucky,_

_You were never around to get these so I’ve brought them for you. Peggy accepted Steve’s and our Father accepted Bucky’s. I’ve held onto them for so long, and it’s time for you to have them. You deserve at least that. For everything you’ve sacrificed in the war._

_Love,_

_Rebecca._

“I was too busy saving you when I was supposed to receive this.” Steve whispered. Bucky didn’t say anything. He just stared. A purple heart was in each box, the highest military honor in the US, for soldiers who were injured or lost their lives in the war.

“… I don’t deserve this.” Bucky whispered.

“Yes you do, You nearly died protecting me.” Steve frowned.

“But after that…” Bucky began

“No! Nothing after that was you, Bucky.” He said. Bucky didn’t reply.

“To tell you the truth, I’m not sure I deserve it either. Sure Old Steve did… But now?” Steve frowned.

“Now things are different.” Bucky said.

“Yeah, they sure are.” Steve replied. Bucky shut his box and so did Steve. They ended up putting them away in a draw.

“Can you believe its been so long?” Steve asked.

“Sometimes it feels like yesterday I was getting you out of a fight on the streets of Brooklyn.” Bucky replied. Steve laughed.

“And here we are again.” 

“Fate has its ways.” Bucky shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very bad at math if the years dont add up im so sorry. Stay tuned for more angst and Steve going on more dates in the next chapter. btw i think i said this in the last chapter but Rebecca is 10 years younger than Bucky.


	10. Are You a Saint or a Sinner?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh well, here goes nothing.

“Go sit over there!” Steve pushed him forward. 

 

“Alright, Alright. I’m going.” Bucky laughed. The team had made a collective decision to kick them out for the day because their whole “depressed old people” vibe was too strong. So Steve thought it was the perfect chance to draw again. It wasn’t like he hadn’t drawn Bucky before, he used to force Bucky to be his model, and he never much minded. After he woke up in the 21st century he still drew Bucky but it was different using a picture and his memory as a reference. He had drawn Bucky after they found out he was the winter soldier, stone cold eyes and jagged edges. Now he had Bucky here, in person to draw and he wasn't trying to kill him.

 

Bucky wasn’t hard to draw, Steve would admit he was easy on the eyes. Perhaps Steve liked to draw Bucky a little to much but, he really didn’t dwell on it. Bucky never minded it, so he kept on doing it.  He smiled down at his sketch book as Bucky got into position. They went to a secluded park area, with the Sun filtering through the trees. Steve made Bucky sit under a tree.

 

“You should really pay me for this, my time is valuable.” Bucky smirked. 

 

“Sure, do you accept payment in the form of sarcasm?” Steve rolled his eyes.

 

“This better be the best drawing ever if I have to sit on the ground for this.” Bucky frowned.

 

“Hey, I’m sitting on the ground too.” Steve said defensively.

 

“But you’ve got something to do.” Bucky glared at him.  Steve shrugged  and settled in to draw but looked up at Bucky and frowned.

 

“Can you take the arm thing off?” Steve asked tentatively. Bucky normally kept it on in public, but no one was around.

 

“Why?” Bucky asked.

 

“I wanna draw your arm, I haven’t got to draw it in detail before.” Steve explained. Bucky considered it for a moment then shrugged.

 

“Okay.” It made him nervous, but he’d  indulge Steve. He cringed as he moved to take the fake skin off, it would never not be weird to peel skin off your fake arm. He tossed it aside in a manner that would probably break Tony’s heart a little.

 

“Thanks.” Steve grinned, and got to work. Bucky just nodded and settled in. 

 

They sat in a peaceful silence for  a while, taking in the sounds of nature and paper against pencil. Occasionally his metal arm whirred or the plates shifted, but other than that they were silent. Steve concentrated on drawing and Bucky lost in his thoughts. Then a thought popped into his head.

 

“You ever gonna try the dating thing again?” Bucky asked off hand. Steve’s frail arm stopped moving and he looked up.

 

“Last time I got sick.” Steve scowled. 

 

“Well, it’s not like you to give up after one bad try.” Bucky said wryly. Steve sighed, that was true. He had been considering something lately, but never really talked about it. But if he should tell anyone, at least he should tell his best friend.

 

“Look, Bucky I…” Steve lost his confidence half way through, anxiety wrenching in his stomach. 

 

“You what?” Bucky looked concerned. Steve’s hands were shaking, normally Steve’s anxiety was never that bad. 

 

“I’m… attracted to… men. Also.” Steve whispered quickly. Before Bucky responded he kept going.

 

“I know it’s an okay thing to do now but I…” Steve continued.

 

“But it still feels wrong. I get it.” Bucky finished for him. Steve looked up at him.

 

“How would you know?” Steve asked 

 

“Me too.” Bucky smiled nervously.

 

“You too?” Steve looked almost relieved.

 

“Yeah, Bisexual is what they call it these days.” Bucky laughed, trying to easy the tension.

 

“These days? You sound like an old man, Buck.”  Steve teased. 

 

“You’re a year older than me, Steve.” Bucky glared at him. 

 

“So?”  Steve shrugged. Bucky just shook his head and Steve went back to drawing but his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. 

 

“Steve?” Bucky asked. 

 

“I’m just… I thought, I was afraid that you’d  be disgusted.” Steve whispered.

 

“Steve, I’m with you, no matter what.” Bucky said earnestly. 

 

“I know its just…” Steve swallowed a lump in his throat. Bucky frowned and went over to sit by Steve. He put an arm around him.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. I understand.” 

 

“Thank you.” Steve whispered, leaning into Bucky’s touch, Bucky could feel how fragile Steve was, his bony shoulders pressing into him.

 

“Can we go back? I’m tired.” Steve whispered.

 

“Bt what about your drawing?” Bucky asked.

 

“I actually finished awhile ago.” Steve admitted.

 

“So what, you’ve spent the past 15 minutes just staring at me?” Bucky teased but his heart jumped when Steve blushed.

 

“No, I was just, studying you. For reference.” Steve looked down.

 

“Whatever you say, Stevie.” 

* * *

 

“Oh hey, they’re back. How’d the date go?” Tony asked. The rest of the team had to hide their laughs.

 

“It wasn’t a date.” Bucky said flatly. 

 

“But speaking of dating, I think I’m gonna try again.” Steve said and Natasha perched up at this.

 

“I’m always up for some match making.” She smiled.

 

“I can't wait to see who the next lucky girl is.” Tony grinned.

 

“Actually, I thought I’d try it with a guy this time.” Steve said casually, or tried to. 

 

“Oh my god, finally.” Tony exclaimed.

 

“What?” Steve asked.

 

“Oh come on you think we didn’t notice? I mean the way you look at James—“ Bruce cut Tony off.

 

“I’m proud of you Steve, this must be a big step for you. Thank you for sharing it with us.” Bruce glared at Tony. Natasha smirked.

 

“If anyone cares, I’m bisexual too.” Bucky offered, trying to draw the attention away form Steve, who was clearly uncomfortable.

 

“We know.” Natasha smiled.

 

“Of course you do.” Bucky said flatly. Bucky grabbed Steve’s arms and they headed back to their room. Steve was feeling a little self conscious. How did he look at Bucky? They got back to their room and Steve was quiet.

 

“I think I’m gonna  take a nap, you’ll be fine by yourself?” Steve asked vacantly. Bucky frowned.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, just a little overwhelmed.” Steve brushed him off.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Did you take your allergy medicine earlier? We were outside for a while.” Bucky asked.

 

“I’m an adult Bucky, I remember to take my medicine, you don’t gotta ask.” Steve gave him a withering look. 

 

“Just making sure.” Bucky held his hands up in defense. 

 

* * *

 

 _“I’m frustrated.”_ Bucky sighed slipping into Russian. He was alone with Natasha, going over options for Steve’s date, but he decided it was best to have this conversation in a language no one else could speak incase someone walked in. Natasha caught on immediately.

 

 _“Why?”_ She replied perfectly slipping into Russian. She tucked her red hair behind her ear and looked into his eyes.

 

 _“I don’t know how I feel about sending Steve on a date.”_ He replied.

 

 _“Why?”_ She asked again.

 

 _“I actually have no clue why, it just feels wrong.”_ He shrugged. She nodded then passed for a moment before speaking again.

 

 _“Do you think it might be because  of your feelings for Steve?”_ She asked bluntly. 

 

 _“What feelings?_ ” He frowned.

 

 _“You know what I mean, James.”_ She replied. 

 

 _“I’m not…”_ He trailed off, getting nervous and looking away from Natasha’s gaze.

 

 _“Yes you are and everyone knows except for you and Steve.”_ she shook her head.

 

 _“It’s not that easy, Natalia.”_ He snapped. Her gaze softened.

 

 _“I know it’s not. You’ve got a lot going on in your brain, you’re not sure if it’s real, right?”_ She put her hand on his arm, a rare gesture of empathy.

 

 _“… yeah.”_ He nodded.

 

 _“It’s hard being in love with your best friend, isn’t it?”_ She grinned.

 

 _“I knew it!_ ” He exclaimed.

 

 _“Don’t tell anyone, we like to keep it to ourselves.”_ She said.

 

 _“I won’t.”_ He replied. They were silent for  moment until Bucky spoke again.

 

 _“I’m scared it will go away, I’ll wake up one day and everything is gone. It’s happened before.”_ He admitted. She nodded but didn’t respond.

 

 _“We kissed, you know, or at least, I think we did."_ He whispered. 

 

 _“When?”_ Her eyes widened.

 

 _“The day Steve found me, I think. We just sort of… kissed. There was a lot going on and our emotions were high and I decided if I was probably gonna die, it wouldn’t be before I kissed Steve Rogers.”_ Since she had shared a secret with him, he decided to share a secret that’d been weighing on his mind recently.

 

 _“You don’t think it was maybe because he feels the same way you feel about him?”_ She asked like it was obvious.

 

_“I’m not even sure if it happened, or if I just made it up. I can’t just ask him.”_

 

 _“Why not?”_ She tilted her head to the side.

 

 _“Because its not all that happened…”_ He looked down at the floor.

 

 _“You slept together?”_ She gathered immediately.

 

_“Well…”_

 

* * *

 

_// this next part is nsfw//_

 

_The next day they were going to take down a HYDRA train but until then they had to wait, and waiting was hell. Steve and Bucky were sharing a tent and neither of them could sleep. Bucky was stressed and anxious and confused and Steve was huge. It was hard for him to wrap his head around. There was also the fact they had kissed, and Bucky would really like to elaborate on that. He wasn’t about to let fear stop him, it was too late for that._

 

_“Steve?” He whispered, they were sitting on the ground in a crappy tent, and it was freezing._

 

_“Yes?” Steve looked up at him. Bucky studied his now filled out face, remembering the frail one he left behind._

 

_“We kissed.” He said flatly. He could’ve sworn if it wasn’t so dark that Steve had blushed._

 

_“Yeah.” Steve replied._

 

_“We’re probably gonna die tomorrow, and I want to kiss you again.” Bucky said quickly._

 

_“We’re not gonna die—“ Steve rolled his eyes but was caught off guard by Bucky on top of him. He immediately grew silent._

 

_“I want to kiss you again.” He looked into Steve’s eyes and the tension was palpable._

 

_“Please.” Steve whispered after second._

 

_So Bucky did, with more passion than the first time. He needed this, he needed to not think. He needed Steve and he had for so long. He moaned when Steve’s hands began to remove his clothes._

 

_“Shit Steve, it’s cold.” Bucky pulled back, helping Steve take off his jacket and shirt._

 

_“I’ll keep you warm.” He grinned up at Bucky._

 

_“Shut up.” He kissed Steve again,  a fire spreading in his chest as Steve’s warm hands roamed his cold chest. His hand desperately searched for a way to get the red white and blue suit off of his friend._

 

_“What the fuck is this? How does this even come off?” Bucky cursed fumbling around Steve’s back for a zipper. Steve laughed and went to unzip it himself._

 

_“Sorry.” He shrugged. Bucky just frowned, he hate the stupid suit. He didn’t like Captain America, how the hell was he supposed to protect Steve now. Whatever, he just concentrated on making sure they were both undressed. After some struggling they were finally both naked._

 

_“Buck…” Steve looked at him like he was the most beautiful thing he ever saw, and Bucky was pretty sure he was looking at Steve the same but he wanted Steve to know it wasn’t because of his new godly body, though it was a nice touch, he had to admit._

 

_“I’ve wanted to do this since you were a scrawny kid in Brooklyn.” Bucky whispered against Steve’s neck in between giving him hickeys that would be gone in the morning._

 

_“Shit.” Was Steve’s response. Bucky grinned, he took that as Steve wanted this too. Bucky lowered himself between Steve’s legs. Before taking Steve into his mouth he smirked._

 

_“We’re going to hell for this, you know.” Bucky looked up into Steve;s blue eyes._

 

_“Good.” Steve laughed at him. Bucky rolled his eyes, they were supposed to be having sex, not making jokes, so He began to do what he originally intended. He bobbed his head up and down and was delighted at the sounds Steve was making. He couldn’t give a shit if it was cold, or if the other howling commandos could hear him, he just wanted Steve.  He stopped and went back up to Steve’s mouth to kiss him again._

 

_“I want you to fuck me.” He said boldly._

 

_“What?” Steve’s eyes widened._

 

_“We’re going to probably die tomorrow and I swear to god if you don’t fuck me, I’ll die today.” Bucky repeated._

 

_“I don’t want to hurt you.” Steve looked concerned, ignoring Bucky's comment about dying, though he was probably right. Bucky’s eyes darkened with something Steve didn’t recognize._

 

_“I want it to hurt, I need it to hurt. Please Steve?” Bucky looked like he was going to cry if Steve didn’t say yes._

 

_“Anything,for you Buck.” He sighed and the switch positions. Bucky grabbed Steve’s hand and sucked on two of his fingers._

 

_“Shit, Bucky.” He said under his breath. Bucky pulled back and reconnected his mouth with Steve’s. He bit down  moan when a cold finger was inside him. He was uncomfortable for a moment before he wanted more. It felt like forever before Steve let him have another finger._

 

_“Now, I want you now.” Bucky’s breathing was ragged._

 

_“Are you sure?” Steve asked seriously._

 

_“Oh jesus christ jus do it, Steve.” He said, frustrated._

 

_So Steve did, and it hurt. It burned but Bucky wanted it._

 

_“Oh god yes, it hurts so good, Steve. Move.” Bucky whispered into his ear. Steve couldn’t breathe, with Bucky talking like that he could only take so much. He began to pull in and out slowly but Bucky made it clear, he wanted more._

 

_“Hurt me.” Bucky rasped. Something in Steve snapped, he didn’t really want to hurt Bucky but, as Bucky had said, they were probably going to die tomorrow and if this the only time he got to have Bucky he wouldn’t hold back._

 

_He began to fuck him faster and Bucky was practically screaming. Steve’s mouth was on his neck, leaving little bites down his neck. Bucky’s nails tore into his back, but it didn’t bother him._

 

_“You’re so beautiful Buck.” He whispered, pulling away to look down at Bucky, with the sappiest look on his face. Bucky didn’t reply he just moaned louder._

 

_“Steve I’m so close, please.” He begged. Steve grinned and thrust impossibly hard into Bucky._

 

_“Oh god damn…” Bucky bit his neck to keep from screaming and Steve loved it. He came into Bucky and it was like his work shattered. It wasn’t too long before Bucky orgasmed as well.  Steve pulled  back and laid on the blanket they had put on the ground beside Bucky._

 

_“I love you.” He whispered. Bucky swore under his breath._

 

_“Me too, I love you so much Steve.” Bucky kissed him. Steve pulled away and looked over Bucky. He was a mess. Steve frowned when he saw the bruises his hands had  left on Bucky’s hips, and the dark purple marks he’d left on Bucky’s neck._

 

_“It’s okay Steve.” Bucky murmured and Steve sighed._

 

_“You were right it’s rely cold.” So they reluctantly cleaned themselves up and got re-dressed. Bucky winced and Steve smiled apologetically._

 

_“Sorry… I’m still not used to my new strength and all.” Steve pulled him onto his chest._

 

 

_“Oh shut up, it was so worth it.” He sighed and closed his eyes. For now, they were blissful, the worry of the tomorrow had vanish sand they fell asleep._

 

_Sad to say, Bucky was right. The next day, he feel off the train and soon there after Steve crashed into the ocean._

 

_//nsfw ends//_

 

* * *

 

 

 _“You barebacked in the fucking alps?”_ Natasha said, impressed. Bucky shrugged.

 

 _“If I remember it correctly.”_ He could’ve just made it up. He honestly wasnt sure.

 

_“You really need to talk to Steve about this.”_

 

 _“No, not yet. I’m not ready._ ” Bucky shook his head.

 

 _“James.”_ She looked exasperated.

 

 _“Things have changed, Natalia.”_ He said sadly.

 

 _“You’re letting that stop you?”_ She crossed her arms.

 

 _“It was probably just the heat of the moment any way.”_ He brushed her off.

 

 _“Oh my god, you’re an idiot. You’re both idiots.”_ Before Bucky could reply he noticed Steve standing in the room, frowning. Oh shit.

 

“Have you been there the whole time?” He switched back to english.

 

“He has.” Natasha grinned. Bucky almost put his face in his hands. 

 

“Why were you talking about me in Russian?” Steve looked at the both of them.

 

“I dunno, Steve, ask your friend.” Natasha grinned and left.

 

“Don’t throw me under the bus, Nat.” Bucky groaned.

 

“Sorry not sorry.” and with that she left. Steve sat down beside him. 

 

“Sleep well?” Bucky tried to change the subject Steve just glared at him. 

 

“What were you talking about that was so secretive it couldn’t be in english?” he demanded.

 

“Oh I was just telling her all of your dark secrets.” Bucky joked.

 

“Bucky!” 

 

“Memories, thats all.” Bucky said seriously.

 

“Oh.” Steve understood, and decided not to push it. Though he was very curious. He didn’t want to push, Bucky. He was almost jealous he’d shared his memories with Natasha instead of him, but he was glad Bucky had talked to someone. His heart was beating faster, and he felt an ache in his chest , much like the one he remembered from long ago. It made him impossibly sad, but he wouldn’t say anything. There was no way Bucky felt the same, or that he even remembered. Steve assumed it must have been the heat of the moment. 

* * *

 

Later that day Steve wen to go find Tony in his lab.

 

“Have you seen Sam?” Steve asked and Tony jumped. 

 

“He’s training with Clint. Clint’s trying to convince him to let him try on the wings. Must be a bird thing.” Tony shrugged. Steve paused  for a moment. 

 

“So, JARVIS is always… listening right?” Steve began.

 

“Well, yeah, mostly for security purposes, he doesn’t stalk you guys. Unless he’s gotten a new hobby.” Tony replied. 

 

“So if someone was having a conversation in Russian, could he translate it?” Steve asked, owing it was so wrong.

 

“Cap, are you asking me to help you eavesdrop?” Tony grinned.

 

“Nat and Bucky were talking in Russian earlier, and they said my name at least 10 times, so that sort of makes it my business.” Steve reasoned.

 

“This is so wrong, and I love it.” Tony grinned. 

 

“Tony!” Steve glared at him.

 

“That’s not scary anymore, now that I’m taller than you.” Tony joked and Steve crossed his tiny arms.

 

“So can he do it?” 

 

“Of course he can, I programmed him.” Tony nodded.

 

“You listen to it.” Steve insisted.

 

“What?”

 

“It’s wrong, so I’m going to let you do it.” Steve replied.

 

“Oh right I see, let me get all the guilt.” Tony grinned. 

 

“I’ll have JARVIS send the audio file to my phone.” Tony pulled his phone out and asked JARVIS to translate the conversation. In a few seconds the mp3 was on his phone. He pulled out his headphones.

 

“You sure you wanna do this?” Tony asked.

 

“No, Thats why you’re doing it.” Steve replied sternly.

 

“Right.” Tony laughed.

 

“I’m going to leave and then you’ll listen to it and Tell me if it was anything important, okay?” Steve waited for Tony to nod.

 

“Aye Aye Captain!” Tony exclaimed. Steve frowned and walked away. 

 

“Okay lets do this…” Tony grinned,he couldn’t believe Steve had asked him to do this. This was great, the good captain wasn't as innocent as he seemed.

 

A few minutes later Tony’s eyes were wide and he was very conflicted.

 

“I can’t tell him this, oh my god. But I said I would.” Tony crossed his arms.

 

“Oh my god, okay, I’ll just tell him it was about them as kids. I’m not about to fuck with their relationship.” Tony was talking to himself, but relish din his new knowledge. He was right, they were hopelessly in love with each other!

 

But he couldn’t exactly tell anyone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so if you skipped the sex basically Steve and Bucky are in love with each other and then they died. Fun times. 
> 
> Also Steve and Bucky are really clueless.


	11. Where did you learn to walk?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where did you learn to run? Away from everything you love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short. The title and summary are lyrics from "the eye" by Brandi Carlile its a really good song.

 Steve was lying in bed, he had just woken up and Bucky was asleep on his back, and a sorrow pierced through his chest. He wondered if the kiss that would change him back, would come from his best friend? but he couldn't think that, Bucky had never shown any interest. At least not after the time in the mountain, right before they died. Steve wondered why no one ever figured out why he crashed the plane. He could've given his coordinates. he could've done a lot of things. But he didn't. He wondered why no one ever thought, maybe he was trying to kill himself. No one ever thought how devastated he was to wake up. But he never liked to talk about it, he never wanted to tell anyone. He'd just wanted to be with Bucky again, perhaps it was pathetic but he took the chance. As it turned out, it sort of worked because neither of them really died... They just disappeared.

 All he had wanted was to be with Bucky again, and eventually he got it. Everyone thought he was just being a hero and saving New York, Which of course he was trying to save people. But he didn't want to save himself. So now he was here, tiny again, with Bucky. Fate sure was funny. He sighed and looked at Bucky. He wondered if Bucky remembers, but he wouldn't dare ask. He doesn't want to take advantage of Bucky, so if Bucky did remember he obviously wasn't interested in doing it again or he didn't remember. He just wouldn’t bring it up, however badly wanted to.

 

 He frowned and sat up, he didn't know what to do. He felt pretty useless now that he was small again. The team pretended they needed him, but he knew they really didn’t. But it’s not like a mission had come up.

 “Steve? What’s wrong?” Bucky whispered, waking up at Steve’s movement. 

 “It’s nothing important, Bucky.” Steve shrugged.

 “Liar.” Bucky whispered laying his arm over Steve’s lap, his face rested near Steve’s right hip and his hand brushed the other one. Steve gulped, he was sad right now it was completely wrong to be turned on. 

 “I’m just… Thinking about when I went into the ice, how everyone thinks its because I was being heroic.” Steve sighed sadly, his face heavy with sadness. Bucky opened his eyes to look up at Steve. 

 “I’ve been wondering why you did it, I keep thinking there were probably other ways to save you.” Bucky replied, Steve almost laughed, of course Bucky would think that. No one else really did. 

 “Do you know why I did it?” Steve asked, looking down at his friend. He fought the urge to run his hand through Bucky’s hair. 

 “No, I don’t. Do you wanna talk about it?” Bucky looked like he wanted to talk about it, so Steve gave in. He considered how Bucky would react, and he decided to look away. 

 “You had just fallen off to train, I thought you were dead, and I could’ve given Peggy my coordinates, I could’ve done a lot of this differently but I… Didn’t want to be a hero anymore. You were gone, I didn’t have anything to fight for anymore. I didn’t want to live without you…” Steve whispered, holding back tears. Bucky was silent. Then he began to tug at Steve until he was lying down again, looking him in the eye. 

 “You tried to kill yourself?” Bucky said softly. 

 “If you put that way… then yes.” Steve felt anxiety course through him.

“You took the “to the end of the line” thing very seriously.” Bucky said lightly, Pulling Steve in so he could do his best to hold him.

 “Didn’t you?” Steve whispered against his chest Bucky inhaled a long breath. 

 “Of course I did.” He replied. 

 “I haven’t told anyone, not even Sam, why I did it. No one ever asks. They’ve gotten better at it, but sometimes they still treat me like I’m the “Captain America” persona.” Steve sighed. 

 “I know, Thats why I never liked it, the stars and stripes or the name. Because it’s like they’re marketing you, like a brand. They don’t know you.” Bucky replied. 

 “And now that I’m small again, they don't know how to treat me. It’s almost irritating to see how they tip toe around me. I’m still a person…” Steve said unsurely.

 “I’ve noticed…” Bucky had noticed a lot of things, like how the team treated Steve, and how unlike Steve, Steve was being. It wasn't like him to be insecure.

 “I had it all, and all of it was taken.” Steve was tired of this.

 “You got me.” Bucky offered.

 “Really that’s all I need.” Steve smiled at him.

 “You’re such a sap.” Bucky teased. Steve grinned at him, but soon frowned again. 

 “But the team, everyone else, they need Captain America, the super soldier.” Steve said sadly. 

 “Maybe you should focus on yourself for once, Steve.” Bucky replied.

“Yeah, right…” Steve just nestled his face further into Bucky’s chest. Bucky chuckled, even though his chest ached. He wished he could hold Steve like this, but not as friends, as lovers

. “Do you remember….” Bucky started to say, but trailed off halfway through instead. 

 “Remember what?” Steve’s voice was muffled. 

 “When you saved me we…” Bucky couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. He felt Steve tense in his arms. 

 “We what?” Steve asked after a tense moment.

 “Never mind.” Bucky decided he didn’t want to talk about it.

 “You can’t just say never mind.” Steve whined.

 “I changed my mind.” Bucky said stubbornly. 

 “Fine, but I’m gonna ask you again later.” Steve warned him. 

 “Go back to sleep Steve. Its like 2 am.” Bucky changed the subject. Steve sighed and decided not to protest, eventually falling back to sleep in Bucky’s arms. Bucky, however, didn't go back to sleep. He was enjoying the blissful peace of holding Steve until he eventually fell to sleep.

* * *

 

 Tony was in the kitchen making a cup of coffee when Natasha walked in. His eyes winded and he immediately turned to leave when he felt an a hand on his arm. 

 “Tony.” She said sternly.

 “Natasha.” He replied trying to sound casual. 

“You’re keeping a secret.” She glared at him. 

“What, no? I’m not. Why would you even think that? I have no secrets, none I would never— “ Tony stammered.

 “Cut the crap.” She interrupted.  

"uh well. Cap had me listen to your conversation, with James.” He said quickly. 

 “What?” She looked surprised.

 “I was surprised too, but he wouldn’t listen it himself. I had Jarvis translate it and I haven’t talked to him yet, but he’s going to ask me.” Tony admitted. 

 “What are you going to tell him?” She asked. “Probably that it was nothing important, I mean they should go at their own pace, right?” He cringed.

 “That’s true, even though they’re both idiots.” She nodded. “They really are.” Tony agreed. 

 “You can’t tell anyone.” She threatened.

 “I won’t.” He looked a bit scared. She glared at him for another moment the released him.

 “You can go now.” She crossed her arms. 

“Yep.” He quickly left the kitchen.

* * *

 

 Later that day, Steve was still knocked out, so Bucky carefully got out of bed to go do something to ease his boredom ad also to stop pining. It was getting bad. He should stop torturing himself. He was walking into they’re living room when Natasha appeared. 

“We have a problem. Is Steve awake?” Natasha replied. 

 “No, is it small problem?” He asked hopefully.. 

 “Okay good, we can’t tell him yet.Just wait.” Natasha said, grabbing his arm and pulling him faster o the living room where the rest of the team was. Tony looked half asleep, Clint looked high-strung, Bruce looked disgruntled, Sam looked like he was ready to punch someone in the face, and then there was someone he didn’t recognize. A pretty woman with strawberry blonde hair, very well put together. It must be Pepper. 

 “Nice to meet you, James.” She smiled and put out her hand. 

 “You too.” He stared for a moment, then shook her hand then sat down with Natasha. 

"So whats wrong?” Bucky asked. 

"Well, As Tony,” She punctuated his name making Tony’s eyes snap open, “and the rest of you, besides James, conveniently forgot Steve has an interview with Barbara Walters in less than 5 hours and as everyone neglected to tell me he’s now been de serumed, and that can't be revealed to the public and it will cause a huge uproar if we cancel the interview so we need a solution.” Pepper explained.

“It was gonna be big, Captain America’s first official interview since he was out of the ice.”Natasha elaborated. 

 “So what do we do?” Bucky asked seriously. 

 “We send someone else.” Clint suggested making a vague gesture with his hand. 

 “You’ve all done big interviews before.” Pepper shook her head.

 “I can do it.” Tony grinned. 

“No one needs another interview from you, Tony.” Natasha rolled her eyes.

 “Tony’s done enough interviews. Bruce was on the cover of TIME, Clint and Natasha did a double interview. Sam’s even done one. Steve is the only one who hasn’t, and people want one.” Pepper sighed. Bucky glanced around at the avengers, they all looked stressed. There was no one they could tell the public what had happened without causing panic, there was only one thing to do. 

 “I’ll do it.” Bucky said his heart rate picked up. Everyone stared at him in disbelief.

 “Are you sure?” Pepper frowned. 

“I mean, what’s even bigger than Steve? The Winter Soldier. People will forget all about Steve if we get a public interview with him, it makes sense.” Tony chimed in.

 “You sure you can do this?” Sam looked concerned.

 “I can do it, to protect Steve.” Bucky nodded. 

 “Alright I’ll call them and see what they say.” Pepper stood up, her high heels echoing as she walked out to the hallway to make the call. Bucky wondered what he’d gotten himself into. Everyone looked up when Steve walked in. 

“Whats going on?” He looked at everyone gathered in the living room, they’d never had a team meeting without him. 

“We didn’t want to wake you up.” Natasha explained. Steve crossed his arms. 

 “What is going on?” He asked again.

 “You had an interview today, but we can’t send you like that.” Tony chimed in.

 “Oh yeah.” Steve said, having forgot all about it.

“I’m going instead.” Bucky smiled tightly. 

“No. They’ll tear you apart. They’re vicious.” Steve responded immediately. 

“You really think a little interview can take me down? Steve, you’ve underestimated me.” Bucky mocked being offended. 

“Yeah well, they don’t have boundaries.” Steve reasoned. 

“He’s right.” Tony nodded. 

"I’ll be fine.” Bucky shook them off, even though he’d really rather do anything but this. Pepper returned to the room. 

“Alright, they said yes. We need to get James prepped. We’re bringing the interview here that means Steve needs to stay out of sight.” Pepper said quickly. 

“Well let’s do this.” Tony stood up and the rest of the team followed.

 “I need Sam with him at all times. Also please remove all your weapons James, Yes all of them. They’re bringing heightened security. Tony you help get him ready, Natasha and Clint make sure he really gives you all his weapons. Bruce, you go with Steve and stay out of the line of fire. A hit and make up team will be here shortly. Also don’t wear the cover on your arm.” and with that Pepper walked off to go prepare a room. Bucky was seriously regretting his decision as the team despised to they’re assigned tasks. He watched Bruce drag a protesting Steve out of the room.

“All right, Barnes lets get you ready for public viewing. No biting.” Tony smirked. Bucky groaned, he’d really do anything for Steve.  
  
---


	12. Wherever is your heart I call home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh god forgive my mind. Oh god forgive my mind, when I come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look I’m so bad at coming up with headlines I’m sorry

“SHOCKING INTERVIEW WITH THE WINTER SOLDIER”

 

“JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES: FORMER ASSASSIN, NEW HEARTTHROB”

 

“CAPTAIN AMERICA’S BEST FRIEND LIKES GUYS?!”

 

“THE HEARTBREAKING STORY OF THE WORLD'S LONGEST PRISONER OF WAR”

 

Those were only a few of the headlines in circulation after the release of the interview. Bucky really didn’t care what the world thought of him, he did it to protect Steve. He was honest, candid, and charming. He didn’t snap or hurt anyone, he answered every question articulately.

 

She asked about before and his life as the “asset” and his life after. He Answered accordingly, made sure he had the correct emotional response, and continued on.

 

The easiest part was when she asked about, Steve, he could talk about Steve Easily. He shared some memories. When she asked about his romantic life,he told her the truth, that he was bisexual. That certainly caused a buzz. Then The interview was over and he was set free. The team was shocked.

 

“That went too well.” Tony whispered to Natasha, they both frowned.

 

“For once you're right, look at him.” She nodded in Bucky’s direction. His Expression as blank, almost like how it was when they first met him.

 

“I’ll go talk to him.” Sam walked up to Bucky but Bucky kept walking, right past him.

 

Bucky couldn’t think, couldn’t feel. His thoughts swam, like a hurricane, and he was swept away with them.  Tony went to walk after him but Sam stopped him with an arm on his hand.

 

“I think he needs to work this out himself, he’s got Steve.” Though displeased,Tony knew he was right.

* * *

 

Bucky was shaking, his mind was screaming at him, and he didn’t know what to do. So he kept walking, straight to his room. Because that’s where Steve Was, waiting for him. He walked into their living room and Steve immediately jumped up, leaving Bruce alone on the couch. Bruce looked at Bucky and frowned, something was wrong.

 

“Buck! How’d it go?” He asked nervously.

 

“… I’d like to talk to Steve alone.” Bucky whispered eventually staring at the ground.

 

“Okay.” Bruce said gently, and left the room.

 

Bucky didn't know what to do, something was wrong but he didn't know what.His brain was repeating it, "WRONG WRONG WRONG", he couldn't escape it. Air couldn't reach his lungs. This shouldn't be happening. He barely registered Steve leading him to the couch and sitting him down.

 

"What's wrong?" Steve asked softly. Bucky temporarily broke from his panic and looked at Steve.

"I don't know." His voice broke. He grabbed his small friend and sobbed into his shoulder.

"Buck, you shouldn't have done it if it was going to affect you so bad." Steve Frowned, that was supposed to be his interview.

"I did it for you. It's okay, it's just a panic attack. It happens to all of us."Bucky tried to play it cool.

"Stop it, Buck." Steve sighed. He ran his hand up and down Bucky's back.

Nearly an hour later Bucky had calmed down and they sat there in silence.

"I have an idea." Steve said, Bucky looked up at him silently asking what it was. Steve just smiled.

* * *

It had been a week since they had left, a week since the Winter Soldier Interview had been shot and released. There were mixed reactions and people still asking where Steve was but the buzz of an in depth interview with the world's deadliest assassin was pretty much over shadowing it. They decided to leave the tower, partly because of the attention partly because they wanted to. They ditched their phones and credit cards in favour of getting disposable phones and using cash. They left a note that said to not look for them and that they'd be back. So far they managed to stay under the radar and no one had recognized Bucky, so things were good.

They were now in some state in the midwest, in which a state fair was happening. They haven't been to one in ages so they decided to go, it might be fun. Bucky had grabbed Steve's inhaler and made sure he drank plenty of water. Steve just rolled his eyes, he might be tiny again and he'd be fine.

Instinctively Steve grabbed Bucky's hand as they were walking around. People Bustling around them with various deep fried foods.

"A donut burger?" Steve grimaced.

"No." Bucky replied. They decided to rides first, Steve found one called the enterprise which looked relatively innocent. You just got into individual cars and it spun around.

"1 dollar a ticket? What kind of rip off is this?" Bucky scowled as he paid for the tickets to get on the ride.

"They used to be a dime." Steve replied.

"The 21st century sure is expensive." 12 dollars later they were strapped into their car. Steve in front, Bucky in the back, his metal arm hidden with the cover Tony had made him.

The ride began spinning and Steve laughed and Bucky smiled and it was fun.Then the ride began to rise up until they were hanging upside down at a 90 degree angle being spun faster. They weren't planning for this to happen.

"Our Father who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name--" Steve heard Bucky Praying behind him.

"Buck!" He yelled.

"holy shit holy shit..." Bucky yelled behind him. Steve couldn't speak he was laughing uncontrollably, partially out of fear. And so they continued yelling aspew of curses and prayers until the ride stopped and they stumbled off.

"We need to sit down." Bucky giggled and led them to a bench. Steve wasn't dizzy so he leaned onto Bucky's shoulder. They sat there laughing until Steve Caught his breath.

"Let's not do that again." Steve smiled up at Bucky and Bucky slid his arm around Steve's waist and rested his hand on Steve's hip. Steve flushed but Bucky thought it was just the heat.

"I agree." Bucky nodded, his thumb rubbing circles on Steve's bony hip. They Stayed there for a moment then went to look around at the games. A giantbear caught Steve's attention and he grinned. Bucky accepted the challenge.

"I'll when it for you." Bucky nodded firmly.

"Buck."Steve rolled his eyes. It was a sniper game, you use the airsoft gun to shoot out the red paper star. They paid and Bucky grabbed the gun and the man began to explain the game but it took all of 30 seconds for him to win.The man gaped at Bucky.

"You military?" He asked. Bucky grinned.

"Sniper." He shrugged and pointed to the bear that was nearly the size Steve.

"What are we gonna do with this?" Steve scoffed but still smiled as he struggled to hold the bear.

"I dunno." Bucky shrugged.

They went on to win a hulk plushie and an iron man pillow which Steve found amusing. Bucky won every game they played and Steve gave some of the prizes to kids who hadn't won anything. Luckily they had a car in which they piled all their prizes into.

As they waited to cross the street a child dropped her ball and it fell out into the street. The toddler ran after it and the mother screamed. Of course, Steve Did what he always did and saved the day.

A car came barreling down the street and in a flash. Suddenly Bucky was watching his best friend pushing a child out of the way. As a result the car hit him instead, rolling him over it and it raced on and he fell to ground in a bloody heap.

The mother ran to her child who was fine. But Steve wasn't, his small body laid in a pool of blood in the street.

Bucky ran to him immediately. He felt for a pulse.

There wasn't one.

"Call 911!" He yelled holding his friend in his arms.

He wasn't breathing.

This couldn't be happening.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen, i'm sorry. But I had to do it.


	13. Too long till I drown in your hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> White noise in my mind  
> Won't calm down  
> You're all I think about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grah mo chree is gaelic for sweetheart also we go on a journey through Steve’s head.

You make my heart shake

Bend and break

But I can’t turn away

And it’s driving me wild

You’re driving me wild

* * *

Bucky didn’t know what to do, he was panicked. He remembered that true love’s kiss was supposed to reverse the spell, It was a long shot, but he knew he had to take it. At this point he would’ve done anything to bring Steve back. He had a large gash in his side, and possibly broken bones. So there he was, holding his possibly dead friend in the middle of a street, and he needed to kiss him. He heard paramedics coming in from behind him, it was now or never. So he did it, he kissed Steve. He heard people gasp from behind him, and if people hadn’t had their phones out already they sure did now.

“Sir I need you to— Holy shit.” He heard a medic say behind him. He pulled back and looked down.

“Holy shit.” He echoed. Steve was still bloody and unconscious, but he was big again. It worked. It fucking worked. Bucky would laugh if he didn’t still think Steve might be dead.

“Okay, we still need you to step back, Sir. We’re here to help.” Another medic spoke. Bucky nodded and stepped back, The shocked paramedics immediately swooped in. One of them finally made the connection.

“Is this Captain America?” She asked looking up at Bucky. Bucky couldn’t speak right now so he just nodded.

“Concentrate!” Another paramedic snapped as they tried to get Steve on  a gurney. He was pretty heavy.

“I can help. Just tell me what to do.” Bucky said quickly. The paramedics nodded, gladly accepting the extra strength. Unconscious Captain America was like a ton of bricks. They gathered him into a stretcher and into the ambulance. Bucky watched in awe as the medical professionals hovered around Steve quickly speaking and hooking him up to machines. Soon enough, they were in a hospital and Bucky followed as they wheeled Steve away.

“We need to take him to surgery, he is already healing, but his lung has been punctured. you have to wait out here, is there anyone we can call?” A nurse asked him.

“Tony Stark.” He stood in front of the waiting chairs, his fist clenched.

“Right.” She looked shocked, but it wasn’t everyday Captain America and his best friend show up in your hospital.

Bucky couldn’t believe he had let this happen, he agreed that they should leave and have some fun. But how could he let Steve get hurt, on his watch? He had promised Steve’s Mother he’d never let that happen. He knew he was crying and people were staring, but he didn’t care. Steve was hurt. He should’ve been paying more attention. All he could do now was wait.

* * *

 

“It took Steve DYING FOR YOU TO KISS HIM?!” Tony yelled as he and the rest of the team came down the hallway. Stark security had officially secured the hospital, and was fending off the press.

“Tony!” Natasha slapped his arm.

“I KNEW YOU WERE IDIOTS BUT REALLY?!” Tony continued.Bucky didn’t say anything. He knew Tony was right, he was an idiot.

“James, are you alright?” Natasha hugged him.

“I don’t know. Steve is still in surgery and I can’t believe I let this happen to him.” He sighed.

“It’s not your fault.” Bruce laid a hand on his shoulder.

“He’s right.” Clint nodded.

“I’m sorry I yelled…” Tony whispered.

Bucky just sighed and they sundown into their seats.

“You all knew?” Bucky asked quietly.

“That you’re in love with Steve? Yes. It’s pretty damn obvious.” Tony replied. The rest of the team nodded.

“We were pretty sure you were going to kiss him at some point.” Natasha added.

“You guys are so in love with each other it almost hurts.” Clint grimaced.

“You think he loves me?”Bucky asked.

“Oh my god James, You broke the fucking curse. Only true love's kiss can break it! Its so fucking obvious!” Tony snapped.

“Maybe it just reversed on it own…” Bucky retorted.

“Alright you just keep being incredibly stupid, but once Steve wakes up you’ll see.” Tony sighed. Bucky was still being an idiot.

* * *

 

The next thing Steve knew he was 16 again, it was summer. He laid on the wooden floor of their apartment with Bucky by his side. It was hot and their air conditioner didn’t work so they slept on  the floor, the wood stuck to their sweaty skin like glue. They were asleep, and Steve was dreaming.

 

He could feel the  heat of the body on top of his. He couldn't see their face but he could feel their hands skimming over his body. Skin on Skin, teeth on tongue. Steve was drowning. He pulled back from the kiss to finally see the person’s face.

 

“Bucky?”

 

“Steve?” Bucky was on his stomach, supporting himself with his elbows. The sun made his eyes look piercing blue  and highlighted the sweat on his skin. Steve made a mental note to draw him like this. Then he remembered his dream and had to look away from Bucky.

 

“Yeah?” He yawned trying to play it cool.

 

“Who were you dreaming’ about, Stevie?” Bucky smirked at Steve.

 

“I wasn’t.” Steve crossed his arms.

 

“Uh-huh.” Bucky nodded sarcastically.

 

Steve thought he was going to go insane, he could feel the space between him and Bucky, and he wanted to close it so bad. His whole body ached when he looked into Bucky’s eyes, he wanted him more than anything. He could feel the sweat on his skin, watched as it trickled down Bucky’s forehead.

 

“Hey, Steve?” Bucky asked,slipping on top of him. Steve’s eyes widened.

 

“This isn’t how this happened.” Steve realized.

 

“You’re right.” Bucky replied kissing him. Steve kissed him back, it's all he could do. He had no idea what was happening.

 

“What's Going on?” Steve pulled back breathless.

 

“It could’ve happened this way, you know.” Bucky whispered.

 

“But it didn’t. Whats happening?” Steve asked again. Bucky sighed.

 

“You’ve gotta go.” Bucky kissed him on the cheek.

 

“Where?” Steve asked.

 

“Back.”  That didn’t explain anything.

 

“What?” He was so confused.

 

“You’ll know when you get there.” Bucky kissed him again and suddenly Steve was in a completely different place.

 

He  was older this time, but it was still before the war. He was braiding Bucky’s sister, Rebecca, hair. He remembered this. She was so young, beautiful long brown hair. He smiled down at her.

 

“Why do you look at Bucky like that?” She asked innocently kicking her legs back and forth.

 

“Like what?” He frowned as his hands carefully finished one pigtail.

 

“Like Mama looks at Daddy.”She elaborated. Steve blanched.

 

“You must be seeing things, Becca.” He tried to laugh it off.

 

“D’you love him?” She winced when Steve pulled too hard.

 

“Not like that.” He replied as he finished her other pigtail. She got up and beamed at him.

 

“Let’s go!” She grabbed his hand.

 

“Where?” He asked.

 

“You gotta go back to my brother and tell him you love him.” She pulled him along, off into a distance he couldn’t quite make out.

 

“What?” Nothing made sense.

 

“Come on! You’ve gotta go back!” she giggled and everything turned white.

 

Now he was Captain America. He was in a tent next to Bucky, and he knew where he was this time. They’d just had sex.

 

“You better tell me you love me.” Bucky  looked over at him.

“What?” He asked for probably the millionth time.

 

“When you get back, you’ve gotta stop being a punk.” Bucky curled into him, resting his head on Steve’s chest.

 

“Where the hell am I going?!” He snapped.

 

“You’ll see.” Bucky murmured.

 

“This is getting old.” Steve sighed.

 

“Sleep, it’s almost time.” Bucky whispered. Steve would’ve replied but he felt himself fall into deep sleep. This time he woke up in his old living room.

 

“Ma?” Steve stumbled back in shock. He didn’t know what was happening, but there he was back in his Mother’s old apartment, sitting on the couch next to his mother. Who had been dead for many years.

 

“Oh Steven, Look at you. You’re so big.” She smiled at him and he felt the tears coming immediately. She put a hand on his arm.

“Ma, Where are we?” He asked, he had no idea what had happened.

 

“You’re so strong, my Steven, you know that right?” She grabbed his hand,

her hand as soft and everything smelled the same.His mother had always smelled like cinnamon, she liked to bake. Her Irish accent as crisp as he remembered, how he’d miss that sound.

 

“I’ve missed you so much.” He whispered.

“I know, Steven. I missed you too. But you went on to do such great things, like I always knew you would. Your father is so proud of you.” Her green eyes looked just the same as they did the day she died. He was young

back then, still sickly.

 

“Where is he?” He asked.

 

“Do you know how I knew your father was the one?” She ignored his question.

 

“How?” He was intrigued.

 

“He was my best friend. He was an idiot too, for the longest time he thought I didn’t feel the same way. We were hopelessly in love with each other but neither of us said a thing for years.” She chuckled.

 

“Why?” He could feel the tears coming now, but he didn’t care.

 

“We were scared. I don’t want you to make the same mistake.” She gave him that look she always gave, when she knew something he didn’t.

 

“What do you mean mama?” He asked.

 

“You and James, My dear, I know how much you love each other.” She smiled at him gently.

 

“But—“

“No buts, grah mo chree, I know love when I see it.” She scolded him.

 

“I don’t know what to do.” He confessed.

 

“You need to go back, my boy. James needs you, your friends need you, the world needs you. You’re a hero, Steven. I couldn’t be prouder.” She said earnestly.

 

“I don’t want to leave you.” He whispered.

“Oh Steven, I’m always watching over you. It’s not your time yet. Come here.” She gestured for him to lay his head in her lap.

 

“Oh, you’re so big now. My little boy has grown up.” She cupped her hand on his face and he smiled at her.

 

“I love you.” He said.

 

“I love you too.” She replied.

 

“I’m going to sing to you, like I used to. You need to go to sleep, and return to your friends. When you wake up, you’ll know what to do. I want you to know your father and I love you very much, Steven. I wish you could stay, but you must go back. Listen to your Mother.” She looked sad, but she knew this was for the best. Steve nodded, tears streaming down his face. She opened her mouth and sang an old familiar melody.

 

“Sleep, sleep, grah mo chree

Here on you mamma’s knee

Angels are guarding

And they watch o’er thee…”

* * *

Bucky stayed by Steve’s side the whole time after his surgery. The serum really had returned and he was healing quickly. He had a punctured lung, broken ribs, a large gash in his side, and a broken leg. It had been two days and the stitched in the cut on his side were removed because it had healed completely. The rest of his injuries were nearly healed as well, he just wasn’t waking up.

 

The rest of the team sat with Bucky from time to time, and brought him food. But Bucky wasn’t going to leave, not until Steve was awake. He was currently resting his head against Steve’s arm, his hand over Steve’s. He’d been talking to Steve, in hopes of waking him, but nothing happened. The room was decorated with flowers, and Bucky brought in the prizes they won at the fair. Bucky was feeling a large range of emotions right now, but they didn’t matter. He just wanted Steve to wake up.

 

He was beginning to doze off when he felt Steve’s hand move. His head snapped up. Steve’s eyes were slowly opening.

 

“Steve?” He gasped.

 

“I…” Steve began but was still trying to process the situation.

 

“You what? Do you remember what happened?” Bucky asked, just excited Steve was awake. Steve shook his head.

 

“No… I… I… I love you.” Steve’s brain was a few steps behind his mouth, and it took him a second to realize what he had said.

  
“What?” Bucky’s heart dropped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt really bad for the last chapter so i posted this one early! Fun fact Steve's parents were irish immigrants. Also this story is coming to an end! Next Wednesday fall break begins so I'm planning to probably upload like 1 chapter a day that week. I'm planning on 2 more chapters and 1 epilogue. But it may be more chapters idk but for sure there will be 3 more! I'll also include the playlist I put together for this story, and a list of all the songs I've used as chapter titles and as quotes or chapter summaries in the last chapter! uh yeah. this story has been a lo of fun and im sort of sad it's ending!


	14. Maybe I was meant to be under your lock and key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I'm beginning to feel the years
> 
> but I'm going to be ok
> 
> as long as you're beside me along the way
> 
> Going to make it through the night
> 
> and into the morning light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the 2nd to last chapter before the epilogue. I’m excited! Also who am I kidding this chapter and the next are just gonna be them getting emotional and having sex tbh. The epilogue will be more plot filled.

Bucky just gaped at Steve. His heart was racing and he was honestly just astonished. They really were idiots. Bucky began to say something but the Doctor’s came in, to check on Steve since now that he was awake, and they made Bucky leave. Steve had no idea what to do, and then he noticed he was big again.

 

“What happened?” He asked the doctor.

  
“You got hit by a car. There was gash in your side but its healed. Your lung was punctured and your leg was broken but they should be healed by tomorrow, at the rate that you heal. I’m under the impression that when the paramedics arrived you were… much smaller. Then your friend kissed you and the serum was restored. Which is odd… But it’s what happened? We’re going to keep you another night just for you're healing.” The doctor said not looking up from his clipboard as the nurses checked his vitals. Then they left and Bucky came back in and sat by his bed.

 

“You kissed me?” Steve asked.

 

“Yep.” Bucky nodded not looking up.

 

“Only true loves kiss could break the spell.” Steve fought the smile that was coming.

 

“Yep.” Bucky nodded again.

 

“... And do you? Love me, that is.” Steve took the risk, and nervousness course through his chest. Bucky sighed.

 

“God damn it, Steve, Of course I love you. I have since we were kids.” Bucky admitted.

“Everyone was right. We’re idiots.” Steve laughed. He couldn’t believe it. Bucky paused and then decided to finally ask.

 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this… But I’m not sure if this happened or my brain made the it up… After you saved me back in the war… did we?” Bucky gestured vaguely with his hands. Steve flushed.

 

“Uh… Yeah. We did.” Steve nodded. Bucky scoffed. Then he leaned over Steve, careful to avoid his injuries.

 

“I’ve wanted to do this for os long.” he whispered before closing the distance between their lips. Steve kissed back, wrapping his hands around Bucky’s hips. Pulling him in closer.

 

“We heard Steve’s awake—“ Tony threw open the door. Steve and Bucky immediately pulled apart. T

 

“Oh thank god,” Natasha sighed.

 

“It took you guys long enough.” Clint nodded. 

 

“Wait? You guys know?” Steve asked. 

 

“It was so obvious.” Tony look at him mockingly.

 

The whole team filed in. Bucky sighed, they weren’t leaving anytime soon. He we right, they stayed until visiting hours were over, which was fine, he wanted Steve to reconnect with his team, but he also really wanted to kiss Steve.

 

“You’re not leaving?” Steve asked when Bucky didn’t leave once visiting hours were over.

 

“You think they can stop me from staying? I didn’t even ask, I just did it and no one said anything.” Bucky smiled and shrugged.

 

“Bucky.” Steve scolded him. 

 

Bucky chuckled and carefully slid of top of Steve. Steve made no indication that it hurt. He wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist. He grinned at Bucky and Bucky rolled his eyes.

 

“You’re so cheesy.” 

 

“Always have been, Buck.” Steve reached up and put one of his hands on Bucky's cheek.

 

“You know, we could’ve been doing this like 80years ago.” Bucky said leaning in closer to Steve.

 

“Well, then we have a lot to make up for.” Steve whispered. 

 

Bucky didn’t reply, instead he just kissed Steve with all he could. Like he should’ve all those years ago. He kissed him with all the love and desire he’d been holding back, and Steve did the same. Everything was so perfect, he might’ve cried if he was a sap like Steve, but he wasn’t. He began to kiss down Steve neck, grinning when he found the spot that made Steve moan. 

 

“Bucky…” He moaned softly his hips rolling forward.  Bucky could feel his erection through the thin hospital gown. He gently leaned Steve forward and easily pulled the gown off, seeing as it wasn’t even tied in the back. The only thing left was Steve’s underwear, which Bucky planned on getting rid of soon.  He kissed Steve everywhere, delighting in every touch. 

 

“This isn’t fair.” Steve frowned at how clothedBucky was.

 

“Shhh, Stevie. Let me do this for you.” Bucky carefully spread Steve’s legs so he could fit between them, the slid down his underwear just enough to where he could get access to Steve’s cock. He kissed the tip before taking Steve into his mouth.

 

“Oh jesus christ.” Steve moaned. 

 

Bucky continued loving every moment of it. He loved that eh could to this to Steve, that he had this effect on Steve. It wasn’t too long before Steve came and he swallowed every bit of it. 

 

“Tomorrow you’re gonna get it, Barnes.” Steve warned breathlessly.

 

“I can’t wait.” Bucky grinned as he helped Steve put his hospital gown back on.  He was once again straddling Steve and he leaned down to kiss Steve’s forehead.

 

“I love you so much.”  Bucky whispered.

 

“I love you too, Bucky.” Steve’s voice shook. 

 

“Don’t cry.” Bucky frowned and wiped a tear from Steve’s face.

 

“I just love you so much.” Steve whispered, even thought it was so much more than that. He pulled Bucky down against his chest.

 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Bucky whispered.They certainly did have a lot to talk about.

 

“No, Just stay here, okay?” Steve whispered.

 

“I’m not going anywhere." Bucky replied.


	15. Completion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This innocence is brilliant  
> I hope that it will stay  
> This moment is perfect  
> Please don't go away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it's been a long time. Sorry, Life got in the way. I've decided this story is going to be 15 chapters instead of 16 because I realized the epilogue was pointless. Anyways thank you to everyone who's been reading this, this has been a fun journey I'm sad its over. I'm going to start another stucky multi chapter fic soon as well. Anyways, lets get this started. The summary is lyrics from the song "innocence" by Avril Lavigne.

Steve had been released from the hospital returned to the tower. Steve and Bucky wasted no time in returning to their room. Steve decided to take his time, he wanted this to be different from their first time. They didn't need to rush, they had all the time in the world. He kissed Bucky with all his intent to convey how much he loved Bucky in this single action. He pulled away and rested his forehead against Bucky's.

"I love you." Steve whispered gazing into Bucky's eyes. He saw tears well in Bucky's eyes and he wiped them away.

"Don't cry. If you cry, I'll cry too." Steve smiled slightly. He was being serious though.

"You're an idiot." Bucky smiled back. He knew he shouldn't be crying right now, but they had been through so much.

"I know." Steve laughed.

"I love you too." Bucky finally replied as he leaned in to kiss Steve again. He wondered if he'd ever get tired of kissing Steve. Probably not. Steve began to guide Bucky to their bed and Bucky didn't resist.

Steve pulled Bucky's shirt off and Bucky was struck insecurity. He had never liked his metal arm and having Steve see it was something he tried to avoid. Steve, as if he had read Bucky's mind, gently grabbed his metal hand and kissed it.

"I love all of you, Bucky." Bucky had to look away because he swore the way Steve was smiling at him was going to make him cry again. He decided to not respond and just took his hand back and removed Steve's shirt as well. God damn.

"You're staring." Steve smirked. Bucky was about to make a retort but Steve kissed him yet again, with more fevor this time. It made Bucky moan. Steve continued kissing down Bucky's neck until he found the spot where he wanted to leave a hickey. Bucky's breath caught when he felt Steve's teeth against his neck.

"God, Stevie." He whispered breathlessly. He moaned when his words made Steve grind into him. He smirked at his new found knowledge.

"You like it when I call you that?" He laughed.

"Shut up." Steve glared at him as he kissed lower and lower down Bucky's abdomen. The anticipation was killing Bucky and right when he got to Bucky's belt line Steve stopped and grinned up at him wickedly. Steve suddenly surged up again and kissed him passionately. Bucky kissed him back harder.

"You bastard." He hissed when he pulled back, but he was still smiling. Steve just laughed. He returned to what he was doing before and removed the remainder of Bucky's clothing. Then he reached into the bedside drawer.

"Since when did we get lube? And why the hell do you still have on your pants?" Bucky protested. Steve just smirked at him and teased his hole with his lubed fingers. Watching as Bucky squirmed with desire. He couldn't believe Bucky was so fucking beautiful. Bucky officially thought Steve was trying to kill him slowly. Steve was looking at him in rapture.

"You can't look at me like that when you clearly have it out for me! Just do it already!" Bucky nearly screamed.

"Maybe if you ask nicely." Steve grinned. Bucky glared at him.

"I swear to God...Please?" Bucky should've known Steve would be just as much of a stubborn asshole in bed as he was in it.

Bucky's back arched as Steve slid one finger in, then another. Steve leaned back in to kiss him as he fingered Bucky. He kept going until Bucky was almost screaming.

"Oh God Steve, Holy shit—" Bucky whimpered as Steve stopped. He would complain but Steve was undressing so he knew what was coming next.

"I've been waiting to do this for so fucking long. I love you so much." Steve whispered in his ear. Before Bucky could respond he felt Steve enter him. Bucky arched into Steve and everything felt right. Bucky thought that this would be the closest to heaven he ever got. Steve went slow at first before not even he could take it anymore. As he went faster he wrapped his hand around Bucky's cock.

"Oh Stevie..." He moaned as Steve went to work.

"Buck, I'm so fucking close." Steve whispered as he kissed Bucky's neck. Bucky screamed Steve's name as he came all over both of them. Steve did the same as he came inside Bucky. They stayed still for a moment, breathing heavy. Steve pulled out and laid down beside Bucky. Steve pulled Bucky into his arms.

"God, Steve. When did you become so kinky? What have you been doing without me?" Bucky finally asked.

"Nothing important, shouldn't we get cleaned up?" Steve laughed.

"Later." Though they were kind of gross, Bucky really wanted to stay in Steve's arms. They lay in a comfortable silence for a bit.

"Do you remember when we were younger and we fell down that hill?" Bucky asked quietly. Steve paused as he was running his fingers down Bucky's spine.

"Weren't we like 12?" Steve replied moving to interlace his fingers with Bucky's.

"I think so. That's when I realized I was hopelessly in love with you." Bucky smiled.

"Really?" Steve replied.

"Yeah. Then we got older and I was too afraid to do anything about it. I swear you were trying to kill me though, getting sick all the time and getting into fights. Then you got pissed at me and kissed me. I was so fucking confused and I always regretted not saying anything." Bucky continued.

"Sorry..." Steve chuckled at how stupid he was back then.

"It doesn't matter now. I was so afraid to leave you behind when I was drafted but I had no choice. Then you came and saved me and flipped my world upside down. God I was pissed though, you were so reckless. Now I had to look after a big idiot. Then we were back at camp and I thought if I was gonna die I wasn't gonna die without kissing Steve Rogers. Then the next day we invaded the train. I don't regret it, I don't regret dying for you and I never will." Towards the end Bucky's voice caught.

"Bucky..." Steve felt tears burn in his eyes.

"I know you blame yourself for everything. I know you'll never stop blaming yourself but it isn't your fault. When I saw you again for the first time in 75 years I had no idea who you were, just that I knew you. When you fell, I knew I had to save you. But afterwards I was so confused and angry and I'm so sorry. Then you were tiny again and all my fear came back. Then I thought I lost you, again, and it hurt so much. But I'm so glad you're okay if you weren't I don't know what I would do..." Bucky felt tears spill out of his eyes.

"I've loved you for longer than I can remember. I was head over heels but I was also an idiot. When you left, I knew I had to go after you. When I found out you were captured I had to save you. When we got back to our tent my mind was racing... And oh god when you fell off that train my heart fucking shattered. I still have nightmares about it. Then I crashed and everything was dark. Then I woke up in this new scary world and I was miserable. When I found out you were alive and what had happened to you, I was so angry. I knew I had to save you again and I wouldn't give up on trying to find you. I was ready to tear the world apart, and anyone who got in my way." Steve paused to look at Bucky. They were both crying and Steve squeezed Bucky's hand.

"I didn't care you didn't remember me or that you were trying to kill me. I was so determined to get you to remember me, to remember who you were. I didn't fight back. Then for the second time I fell into the water. I woke up and I knew you saved me. Otherwise I'd be dead. So I wasn't going to stop looking for you, never. But you ended up finding me instead." Steve sighed and kissed Bucky's forehead.

"Why us Steve? Why have we gone through so much shit? It's not fair!" Bucky cried.

"I know." Steve kissed him through the tears.

"I love you so much." Bucky whispered when Steve pulled back.

"I love you too." Steve replied.

"Nothing is ever going to separate us ever again, I'm never leaving you side." Bucky promised.

"Good, because I'm never leaving yours either."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve's been doing a lot of things in his free time Bucky doesn't need to know about!  
> God, I can't believe it's over! I'm so grateful to all my readers. This has been one hell of a journey.

**Author's Note:**

> Sam is not going to be pleased he wasn't immediately informed.


End file.
